Homecoming
by Tinkerbell3902
Summary: COMPLETE. AU. Lulu leaves town after breaking up with Johnny. When she returns five years later for her brother's wedding, she brings along her four year old son. Will they find their way back to each other? JoLu.
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

_I'm coming home again.  
Do you think about me now and then?  
Do you think about me now and then?  
'Cause I'm coming home again  
I'm in home again.  
I met this girl when I was three years old  
And what I loved most she had so much soul…_

Kanye West – Homecoming

"Walk away… you can do that, Johnny… please…"

Johnny Zacchara looked up at the girl that he loved more than life and just shook his head. She was so naïve and optimistic and he loved that about her but she couldn't understand his business. She would never understand his business.

"Not anymore… I won't hide and I won't pretend that there's some way to keep the peace… not with Sonny…" he said, looking her dead in the eye.

"I can't believe that you would choose the life that's taken so much from you over me…" she said.

"Lulu…" he sighed.

But Lulu just shook her head and turned away from him. She couldn't look at him and not fall to pieces. She swore that she would never feel like this about another guy ever again. Too many times had she been broken by a man but never like this. Lulu Spencer had fallen so deeply for this guy and like every other guy in her life, he wouldn't choose her. Dillon never chose her, Logan only got involved with her as a bet with Maxie Jones, even her own father never put her first… and now it was happening again. She was losing Johnny to the life that he said that he never wanted a part of when they had first met.

"I don't want you to go…" he said, taking her hand in his.

"You're not giving me much of a choice…" she said, withdrawing her hand from him.

"I'm in love with you, Lulu…" he said suddenly.

Her bottom lip trembled and she turned around sharply to face him. She knew how hard it was for him to say the words. She closed her eyes and exhaled shakily. She believed him. She knew that he loved her. It was in the way that he looked at her, the way that he touched her with such tenderness, and in the way he kissed her. It was plain to see how he felt about her and it was clear that she loved him too… love was never their problem but it just wasn't enough.

"I know… but you love the business more…" she said.

As she walked out of the room and closed the door behind her, Lulu heard Johnny overturn the liquor cart and the sound of glass shattering. She bit her bottom lip and fought every urge to run back to him and tell him that she loved him too. She had to be strong… even though it was killing her.

* * *

"What do you mean you're leaving Port Charles?" Carly asked.

Lulu was sitting on her cousin's couch staring down at the floor. She sighed heavily and looked up at Carly and smiled wearily.

"I need to get away from this town…" Lulu said.

"You just want to get away from Johnny, that's all…" Carly said.

"Johnny isn't the only reason that I'm leaving…" Lulu said.

"But he's the main reason…" Carly pointed out.

Lulu buried her face in her hands and tried to bite back a sob. She hated being so readable. She was a coward, she knew it but she couldn't stand it but there weren't any other options. She had to get away from Port Charles. There were just too many ghosts in this town… too much stuff for a regular twenty-something year old to have had happened to her: a sporadically present father, a mother in a catatonic state, two brothers in a downward spiral and a number of failed romantic relationships.

"It doesn't matter… I need to get out of Port Charles…" Lulu said.

"Where will you go?" Carly asked.

"I have no idea… someplace far and with better weather… maybe California. I'll figure it out once I get on the road…" Lulu said.

"I don't like this idea… all of your family is here and they're not going to be thrilled with you leaving town so suddenly… and what's Johnny going to think?" Carly asked.

"I don't give a damn about what Johnny thinks… he and I are over and he doesn't need to know anything about my life." Lulu said, defensively.

"Alright… I'll let it go… but you call me the minute you decide where you're going, ok?" Carly asked.

"Ok…" Lulu muttered.

They both stood up and Carly embraced her younger cousin. Maybe this would be good for her, she thought. Maybe Lulu did need some time away from the craziness to figure out who she is and what she wants. Lulu smiled at her cousin and went to the door. Carly waved goodbye to Lulu as her car pulled out of the driveway and sped into the night.

* * *

Johnny had been calling Lulu for the past two days but she didn't pick up. He probably left at least ten messages but they all went unanswered. He trotted up the stairs to the front door at the Quartermaine 

mansion. The door swung open and Johnny was greeted by Alice, the rather intimidating maid for the Quartermaines. Her eyes narrowed on Johnny and a scowl crept across her face.

"What do you want, Zacchara?" Alice growled.

"I'm looking for Lulu… is she around?" Johnny asked.

"You're too late…"

Johnny looked past Alice to see Luke Spencer, Lulu's father, standing there with his arms folded. He was flanked by his wife, Tracy Quartermaine, who looked at Johnny with pure disgust.

"What do you mean? I'm too late for what?" Johnny asked.

"Lulu's gone…" Luke said.

"Gone?" Johnny asked.

"Yes, as in she left town last night." Tracy quipped.

The words hit him like a ton of bricks. Lulu was gone and he would never get the chance to make things right. The one person who loved him, despite everything that had happened and everything that he had ever done, was gone.

"Do you know where she went?" Johnny asked.

"Yes… but she doesn't want you to find her." Luke said.

"Are you saying that or is that what Lulu wants?" Johnny asked.

"Well… let's think… you broke her heart and she went running for the hills… so I'm guessing that she doesn't want you to find her." Tracy said, matter-of-factly.

"Spanky… be nice…" Luke muttered.

"Listen… I know I screwed up with Lulu and I know that I don't deserve another chance but—" Johnny started.

"Oh save your breath, mobster boy… none of us are going to tell you where Lulu went. If she wants to talk to you… and I hope she has more sense than that… then she'll call. Now, get off of my property before I have you arrested." Tracy spat before walking back upstairs.

"You'll have to excuse the wife… she's very protective of Lulu… a mother bear instinct almost." Luke said.

Johnny nodded and turned around and walked back down towards his car. He took a long look at the vintage yellow Mustang. He remembered her walking on the side of the road when he first met her like it was yesterday. They had sat up all night talking and looking at the stars on the hood of the car. He sighed heavily as he fished his keys out of his pocket. He could barely stand to look at the car now. Everything reminded him of what he would never and could never have.


	2. A Call from Home

**Chapter 1 – A Call from Home**

"Mommy!"

Lulu's eyes fluttered open and she looked at the alarm clock. She groaned and rubbed her eyes and sat up. Suddenly, the most beautiful dark-haired little boy that she had ever seen jumped onto the bed and climbed into her arms. She smiled and kissed the top of her son's head. He held up the cordless phone to her.

"Uncle Nik is on the phone," he said.

"And you answered the phone all by yourself?" Lulu asked, wrapping her arm around him.

"Uh huh…" he said with a pleased smile on his face.

"Alright… go and brush your teeth… and I mean it this time, Lucas!" Lulu called after her son as he rushed down the hallway and into the bathroom.

She pressed the phone up to her ear.

"Nik! How are you?" Lulu asked.

"I'm engaged…" Nikolas said.

"No way! You and Nadine?" she asked.

"Yeah… she finally said yes after I asked her at least six times." He laughed.

"I'm so happy for you, Nik… I really am…" she said.

"Happy enough to come to the wedding next month?" Nikolas asked.

Lulu sighed heavily. She hadn't been back to Port Charles since she left five years ago and she was still just as hesitant to return as she was before. It was even harder to think about going back now… especially with Lucas.

"Nik… I don't think—" she started.

"Lu… I'm not taking no for an answer… and besides… I haven't seen Lucas in ages and I know that Lucky and Luke haven't seen him in long time… how old is he now?" he asked.

"He's four now…" Lulu said, smiling.

"See? Now you have to come! I haven't seen him since we all flew down there for his second birthday… and you haven't seen Spencer either." He said.

"Isn't it wild that we have kids?" she laughed.

"Yeah… especially since I remember when you were born!" he chuckled.

"Ok! Ok… you've talked me into it… I'll come down for your wedding. Lucas is out of school for the summer next week anyway so it's perfect timing…" Lulu said.

"Great! I'll make the travel arrangements and you and Lucas can stay at Wyndamere… Spencer is going to be so excited to have the two of you here." Nikolas said.

"Alright… I'll talk to you later." She said before hanging up.

Lucas ambled back into the bedroom as Lulu set the handset down on the bed. She stretched out her arms and he jumped back onto the bed and sat in her lap. He flashed his teeth as proof that he indeed brushed them like he was told and Lulu kissed him on his forehead.

"What did Uncle Nik say?" he asked.

"He said that he was getting married and he wants us to come and stay at his big house and go to the wedding. What do you think about that?" she asked.

"Yeah!" he said excitedly.

She smiled again and kissed the top of his head. She never pictured herself as a mom but considering how Lucas came to be and the fact that Lulu had to raise him on her own, she was very proud of herself. She had one hell of a kid. He was bright, caring, and a bit mischievous… and it didn't hurt that he was as cute as a button. This one was definitely going to be a heartbreaker when he got older. She pushed back his dark brown hair and his huge brown eyes looked up at her with such admiration that it almost made her want to cry. Lucas was truly the best thing that could've happened to her.

* * *

"I told you we should've drove… instead of having Prince here take this behemoth of a vehicle down the main highway."

Lucky and Nikolas rolled their eyes at Luke's rants and Nadine covered her mouth and giggled softly. Luke probably had a point. Taking the limousine down the one road to the Port Charles airport was probably not the best decision but it was the only way that they would all fit in one car.

"I wonder how big Lucas has gotten… he was such a cute baby…" Nadine said, wrapping her arm around Nikolas' arm.

"I hope that he gets my good looks…" Luke said and all of them burst out into uproarious laughter.

"I hope for Lucas' sake that he doesn't," Lucky laughed.

The car pulled up to the curb and they all piled out and headed to the arrivals gate. Lulu was easy to spot. She was toting a large green rolling suitcase in one hand and a small child in the other. She waved to them and they all rushed over to her, showering her with hugs and kisses and laughter.

"Grandpa!" Lucas said, throwing his arms around Luke.

"Munchkin!" Luke said, taking his young grandson into his arms and swinging him around in the air.

Lucky grabbed Lulu's suitcase and they all started back towards the car. There was something that felt so right about being back in Port Charles to Lulu. She, her dad, her brothers and her son were all together. For the first time in forever, she felt like she was a part of a whole family. Lulu couldn't help but to notice how excited Lucas was about being with his uncles and grandfather and that made her happy.

"Let's go to Kelly's… I can have the nanny bring Spencer down and we can have dinner." Nikolas said.

"Oh that would be perfect! I can't wait to see Spencer…" Lulu said.

"I have no idea what you're feeding this kid, Lulu… because he is just growing like a weed." Lucky said.

"Well, we Spencers are pretty tall and the kid's father is—" Luke started but Nikolas and Lucky shot Luke a look that silenced him.

The car deteriorated into an awkward silence. It was no secret who Lucas' father was… it was just a secret to his father. Lulu tried to shake it off but she knew that coming back to Port Charles was going to bring up the very real possibility of coming face to face with Johnny Zacchara… and if he saw Lucas, his mind would instantly connect the dots and he would realize that _Lucas was his son_.

"So… how about tomorrow morning, you come and help me pick out a dress?" Nadine asked, turning to Lulu.

"Sounds great," Lulu said, smiling.

* * *

Johnny rarely went into Port Charles anymore. He saw no need to venture into the city that haunted him at every turn… reminding him of everything that he had already lost. However, he found himself walking by Kelly's on that late summer afternoon. He was tired of being cooped up in that stuffy old mansion and he just started walking down the main road outside of his house. Twenty minutes later, he found himself passing the sign saying "Welcome to Port Charles". He sighed heavily and pushed the door open to the small restaurant and went straight to the counter.

"Mr. Zacchara…" Mike said. Johnny knew that Mike never really liked him because he was Sonny's father and there was no love lost between Sonny and Johnny.

"Can I get two bowls of today's soup to go please?" Johnny asked.

"Sure thing…" Mike said, disappearing into the back to get his order.

Suddenly, Johnny felt something tugging at the side of his jeans.

"Excuse me…"

He looked down towards the tiny voice and saw a small little boy staring up at him.

"Ketchup, please…" the little boy said, pointing to the red bottle sitting on the counter.

Johnny reached over and grabbed the ketchup bottle for the little kid. He couldn't put his finger on it but there was something familiar about this boy… like he knew who this kid was.

"Lucas! I'm so sorry that he bothered you…"

"It's alright… I was ju—" he started but when he looked up at the woman standing in front of him, he was completely stunned.

"_Lulu…"_


	3. It All Rushes Back

**A/N:** Thank you guys for the great reviews! I've been batting this idea around for awhile but I didn't know which couple to apply it to and then I had one of those "a-ha!" moments and thought JoLu! This story won't be long… about 10 chapters plus the prologue and epilogue… happy reading!

**Chapter 2 –It All Rushes Back**

Johnny knew that he was staring and he knew that he probably looked ridiculous but he couldn't believe his eyes.

_Lulu Spencer was standing in front of him._

He couldn't help but to smile as she bit her bottom lip like she always did when she was nervous about something. She forced a laugh and extended her arms out to hug him.

"Johnny," she breathed.

He hugged her and for a fleeting second it was like nothing had changed. They were together and in love and everything was perfect. She pulled away from him and smiled.

"Lucas… sweetie, this is mommy's friend Johnny." Lulu said, wrapping her arms around her son. Johnny smiled at the young boy and he smiled back.

"Hi," Lucas said in a squeaky voice that only a little kid would have.

"Hi Lucas… it's nice to meet you," Johnny said, kneeling down to the boy's eye level.

"Alright you… go back over to the table… Nadine's got those crayons for you." Lulu said, gently steering Lucas back over to the table.

"Ok, mommy… bye!" Lucas said, waving at Johnny as he skipped along back to the table.

Johnny and Lulu laughed as they watched him return to her family. She exhaled and looked back at him and was amazed. He hadn't aged a day since she last saw him. He still had that boyish grin and he still wore his dark brown hair neatly gelled up. He was still as wickedly handsome as he had been when they were together before. She felt the color rush to her face as her eyes roamed over his muscular arms, only held back by the black blazer that he was wearing.

"So… you're a mom…" he said, smiling.

"Yeah… I'm a mom." She said, snapping out of her trance.

"He seems like a wonderful kid…" he said, watching Lucas laugh with his cousin Spencer.

"He really is…" she said, looking at her son and folding her arms across her chest.

Lucas truly was the spitting image of Johnny. Lucas inherited those deep brown eyes that Lulu had fallen in love with so long ago and he had Johnny's hair and that charismatic smile that was going to be the source of many heartbroken teenage girls in about eleven years. She guessed looking at Lucas everyday made the separation from Johnny easier…

_Because she never really left him behind_.

"So… what brings you back to the east coast?" he asked.

"Nikolas' wedding… he begged me to come…" she laughed.

"Where are you living right now? San Francisco?" he asked.

"No… Los Angeles…" she corrected him.

"Oh… ok…" he said.

He knew that this was probably one of the most awkward moments that they had ever had and that was saying a lot since they had quite a few awkward exchanges before. She could barely look him in the eye and it was killing him… and he didn't really understand why. He thought that he was over Lulu. It took him a while but he finally stopped thinking about her every single second of the day, wondering if she was ok… or wondering if she was thinking about him.

"Oh my god! Lulu!"

They both turned around and saw Carly standing in the doorway of Kelly's. Carly came up to her younger cousin and threw her arms around her and Johnny couldn't help but to start laughing. It was so over-the-top and rehearsed. It was no secret that Carly didn't like Johnny and was trying to stop her from talking to him.

"Oh… hi, Johnny…" Carly said, looking at him with disdain.

"Mrs. Corinthos…" he said politely.

"Here's your soup to go…" Mike said, reemerging from the kitchen with a large brown bag.

"Thanks," Johnny said, handing Mike money for the soup.

"Come over and sit with me and tell me about your flight…" Carly said, yanking Lulu away from Johnny.

"It was nice seeing you, Lulu… and you too Carly." Johnny said, walking out of the restaurant.

Lulu smiled politely as Carly rolled her eyes and dragged her cousin over to an empty table.

"What the hell was that?" Lulu hissed.

"I had to stop you before you threw yourself at Johnny Zacchara again," Carly said, as she rummaged through her purse.

"I wasn't going t—I didn't even know he was going to be here! Nikolas, Lucky and my dad suggested to go to Kelly's for dinner… believe me, if I could've avoided a run-in with Johnny, I would have." Lulu said.

"I'm surprised that he was even in town… he rarely comes into Port Charles now…" Carly said.

"What do you mean?" Lulu asked.

"Whatever… it's not important… where's Lucas? I haven't seen him in—" she started, looking around the restaurant.

"CARLY!"

As on cue, Lucas rushed over to Carly and threw his tiny arms around her. Lulu and Carly began to laugh and Carly hugged Lucas tightly.

"There he is! My favorite little man in the entire world! Oh wow, you've gotten so big!" Carly laughed.

"Speaking of little men… where are Michael and Morgan?" Lulu asked.

"Are you referring to my sons? Well they're not little anymore… Michael is parking the car and Morgan is with him…" Carly said, setting Lucas on her lap.

"Michael drives? Since when?" Lulu asked.

"Since he turned sixteen last December," Carly said.

"Can I drive, mommy?" Lucas asked and they both laughed.

"You have to wait until you're Michael's age… in about twelve years, thank god…" Lulu said, ruffling Lucas' hair. Michael and Morgan walked into the restaurant and immediately went to the counter to talk to their grandfather. Luke watched the two boys cross the room and began to laugh.

"I've never seen so many Spencers in my life…" he chuckled.

* * *

Johnny pulled up into the driveway and into the garage of the Zacchara mansion. He turned off the ignition of his newly purchased black Lotus Elise. He looked over towards his other car: the yellow vintage Mustang. He sighed and found himself staring at the car. He never drove it anymore. No one would know that he never drove it though. It got washed and waxed every two weeks and the mechanic that he put on staff tuned the engine on for a couple of hours every week so that the car wouldn't break down but Johnny didn't even dare to touch it. When he looked at the car, all he could see was Lulu on that night that they had first met, walking along the main highway with her arms folded, crying. He wanted to kill the guy who had done that to her. Who would want to hurt that beautiful and vivacious creature? He didn't understand until later when he hurt her all on his own. He walked into the study, tossed his blazer and his car keys onto the desk and flopped down into his father's prized chair. As hard as he tried, he couldn't get the image of Lulu at Kelly's out of his mind. He never thought he was going to see her again. She walked out of the office five years ago and vanished from his life…

_And taking most of his with her_…

He sighed heavily and leaned back in the chair. He didn't know why he felt this way. It was completely ridiculous. She left him five years ago. Why did he still care? He shut his eyes and swallowed hard. The problem was that he didn't still care. It was the fact that he never stopped caring. A knock on the door roused Johnny from his mind's wanderings.

"What?" he asked.

"Your uncle Rudy is on the phone for you…" the voice on the other side of the door said. Johnny sighed heavily and picked up the phone.

* * *

"Daddy, can I take Lucas down to the stables to show him the new horses?" Spencer asked.

"Alright… Nadine can you go with them? I'll go and get Lulu settled." Nikolas said turning to his fiancée.

"Sure thing, Nik… come on boys… I'll race you to the stables!" Nadine said, taking off with the boys right on her heels.

Lulu and Nikolas laughed and walked up the pathway from the dock on Spoon Island towards the main house. The grounds hadn't changed since she was last there. Alfred greeted the two of them at the door and told Nikolas that the main guest room had been prepared for Lulu and Spencer had insisted that Lucas stay in his room. Nikolas led Lulu upstairs and down the long hall to the spacious guest room that had been set up for her.

"So… that must've been interesting seeing Johnny Zacchara at Kelly's…" Nikolas said, sitting on the bed.

"Yeah… it was… completely awkward." Lulu said, unzipping her suitcase.

"Lulu… does he know?" he asked.

"Does he know what?" she said, unpacking Lucas' things from her suitcase, not even looking up at her brother.

"That Lucas is his son?" Nikolas asked and Lulu covered her face in her hands.

"I knew I shouldn't have come… I knew this would happen… I knew—" she started, hyperventilating.

"Hey… hey… it's ok… shhhh," he said.

Nikolas came over to his sister and embraced her. She hated herself so much right now. One run in with Johnny and she completely fell to pieces. She shut her eyes and exhaled shakily, trying to will herself not to work herself into a frenzy.

"I'm sorry…" she muttered.

"It's alright… I'm your brother… you're allowed to break down in front of me." He said, smiling.

"I don't know what's wrong with me… I thought—I just thought that I wouldn't see him… I don't know why I thought that… I mean, Port Charles is a small town…" she said.

"Lu… as much as I don't like him, what are you going to do if Johnny does the math and realizes that Lucas is his?" he asked.

"He can't find out… I won't let him, Nikolas… Johnny can never know that Lucas is his son." Lulu said.


	4. Everything Must Change

**Chapter 3 – Everything Must Change**

Lulu held Lucas' hand as they walked through the park. The sun was shining overhead and a light breeze brushed through the trees, bristling over the leaves. Lucas pulled her over to the jungle gym and made Lulu watch him swing across the monkey bars. She laughed as he made silly faces as he hung upside-down. She adored him so much. He was just so full of life and energy. There was truly never a dull moment being Lucas' mom.

"Watch this!" he said, when he reached the top of the jungle gym.

"Alright…" Lulu said, walking around towards the slide.

He launched himself down the slide and laughed all the way down. She smiled and she swung him up in her arms. She twirled him around and their faces became red from laughing so hard.

"You know… my grandma Leslie used to take me to this same park and push me on the swing and then watch me go down the slide and then we'd go over and buy an ice cream…" Lulu mused.

"Can we get ice cream?" Lucas asked, beaming up at his mother.

"No… not today… we still have some of that cake that you and Spencer made last night back at Wyndamere." She said and Lucas' face fell.

"Hey… what's wrong, sweetie?" she asked, stroking his dark brown hair.

"Spencer asked me why I don't have a daddy like he does…" he muttered.

She sighed heavily and kissed the top of his head. She knew that this day would come. When Lucas would finally begin to notice that he didn't have two parents like most of the other kids in his class. His dad didn't pick him up from school or drop him off at his friends' houses for play dates. Sometimes, she felt guilty for robbing Lucas the chance to know Johnny. She saw a lot of Johnny in her son. His mannerisms were just like Johnny's despite never even being around him. But Johnny's life was just too dangerous for a family. He had warned her so many times about the dangers of his lifestyle and then when she saw him holding that gun to Sonny's head, she realized that she couldn't be with him. It was the hardest decision that she ever made… walking away from the man that she loved… the father of her child… but she had to do it, for Lucas' sake.

"I know that it's hard without a daddy… but—" she started but she looked up and saw Johnny, walking through the park. He was holding a black iPod, flipping through the songs. She assumed that he was jogging because he had on a snugly fit gray t-shirt, black basketball shorts and running shoes. The irony of the situation was just too much to handle and Lulu laughed. Lucas looked over towards Johnny and waved to him. He waved back and jogged over to the park bench that she and Lucas were sitting on.

"Hey, Lulu… and hi, Lucas…" he said, smiling.

"Johnny…" she muttered.

"Hi!" Lucas chirped.

"Hey… why don't you go back and play, Lucas? Look, the swings are open…" Lulu said.

Lucas hopped off the park bench and took off towards the swings. They both laughed and Johnny sat down next to Lulu. He was sitting so close to her… it was unnerving. She bit her bottom lip and crossed her legs nervously. She wasn't going to fall apart like the last time. She could have a civilized conversation with her ex.

"Since when do you jog?" she laughed.

"I run two miles every morning before work… keeps the stress down…" he said.

"Still in the family business?" she asked, looking down at her hands. He sighed heavily and folded his arms.

"I know that you don't approve… but it's complicated now…" he started.

"That's what you said before…" she muttered.

"A lot has happened since you've been gone," Johnny said.

"But you're still attached to the business that you never wanted…" she said.

"Why do you even care?" he asked.

She looked up at him sharply. That was the most ridiculous question that she had ever heard him say. Of course she cared. The business could kill him and despite everything that had happened between them, she would always care about him.

"You could do anything that you want… you still can, Johnny… I mean, don't you ever wish that you could just be normal? To not have guards follow you around everywhere?" she asked.

"Normal is overrated… you and I both know that…" he said, smiling.

"True… but still… I can't help but to worry about you… I mean… before we got involved, you were one of my best friends… I'm allowed to care… I'm just looking out for you, Zacchara… because I know that you won't." she laughed.

They both looked over at the swings and watched Lucas laughing and swinging as high as he could. She exhaled shakily covered her mouth with her hands. This was their first moment as a family and neither of them knew it. Johnny had no idea that the little boy that he was watching was his son and it killed her.

"Hey… are you ok?" Johnny asked, looking at her.

"Oh yeah… I'm fine… it's a mom thing… I always get emotional when I look at Lucas… he amazes me every single day… I don't know how I got so lucky to have him…" she said.

"What about his father?" he asked.

Those words paralyzed her. She looked up at Johnny, hoping that he couldn't read the shock on her face and translate it. She sighed heavily and tried to regain her composure.

"What about Lucas' father?" she asked, looking away from Johnny.

"Well… is he around?" he asked and Lulu shook her head.

"He's… well we—we started really fast… it all went by so fast… and I ended up pregnant and I knew that he wasn't ready to be a dad… he's not the father-type." Lulu said.

"So he's not in Lucas' life?" Johnny asked.

"No… and I think it's for the best… I'd rather have Lucas grow up with someone who will give him all of the love and support that he needs and his real dad can't do it…" she muttered.

"It's a shame…" he said.

"What is?" she asked, looking back up at Johnny.

"He's a great kid… any guy would be lucky to be his dad…" he said, smiling.

She swallowed hard and fought with everything that she had to not crack. Why did he have to be so wonderful? He wasn't supposed to act like this. He was supposed to be distant and cold like everyone had told her. He wasn't supposed to be the man that she fell in love with five years ago. She didn't know how much more she could take. She sighed heavily and looked over to Lucas, who was now playing on the monkey bars again. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Johnny looking at Lucas intently, with a smile on his face… but it was one of those proud dad type smiles… like an unconscious part of him knew… she couldn't deny that a part of her wanted to scream that Lucas was his son but her first instinct was to protect her child and she knew all too well the perils of keeping paternity a secret but she felt that she had a legitimate reason to keep her son's father away… it was just too dangerous for him.

"But to go back to your question before… yeah… I do wish sometimes that I could be normal… do things that a lot of people in this town take for granted… take someone out… maybe even get married and have my own family…" he said.

"I never pegged you for the family type… all things considered…" she laughed.

"I know… me too… but it's just a dream… I've made too many choices that I can't take back and with my father and Claudia gone…" he started.

"Wait… what?" she asked.

"I'm all that's left of my family, Lulu…" he muttered.

"What do you mean? What about Claudia and your father?" she asked.

"My dad developed Alzheimer's about a year ago and with his already fragile mental state, he deteriorated really fast… and Jason Morgan found out about my sister's involvement in Michael's shooting and… well… he 'took care' of her." He said.

"I'm so sorry… I didn't know…" she said.

Her hand instinctually reached for his. He looked down at her hand on top of his and then looked up at her. He smiled weakly and squeezed her hand gently. He amazed her sometimes… most people would've reached their breaking point with half of the stuff that Johnny went through but he managed to be resilient.

"You know… I've really missed you…" he whispered and she squeezed his hand.

"I've missed you too…" she said.


	5. The Wedding

**A/N:** After a serious case of writer's block with this story, I finally managed to get this chapter up… it's kinda short and I know that things have been moving slowly right now with this and Opposite Sides but I promise that I'm going to be on top of getting these chapters out faster… so enjoy! Don't forget to comment! :)

**Chapter 4 – The Wedding**

"I don't want to wear it, mommy!"

Lulu rolled her eyes as she fiddled with the crisp black tie that went with Lucas' suit. The morning of Nadine and Nikolas' wedding had finally arrived and it had been nothing short of a headache. Nadine had asked Lulu to be her maid of honor because Leyla Mir, her best friend, had to fly back to London for a family emergency and couldn't be in Port Charles for the wedding, leaving Lulu with all of the maid of honor tasks at the last minute. Without any family in Port Charles, Nadine only had Lulu to help her get ready for the wedding. Nadine had woken up late, almost missed her hair appointment, and infuriated the makeup artist by being emotional and crying every five minutes and ruining her job. Lulu sighed heavily and tried to fix Lucas' tie again.

"Lucas, I know you don't want to wear it but you have to for the wedding…" Lulu said firmly. He wouldn't stop fidgeting with the buttons of his jacket, which made fixing his tie virtually impossible.

"Lucas, can you just hold still for one second?" she asked, exasperated.

Suddenly, she heard a low chuckle coming from behind her. She stood up and saw Johnny standing in the doorway with a tuxedo and his hands shoved into his pockets. He flashed one of his devilishly charming smiles and she felt all of the color rush to her face.

"Having trouble with the tie?" he laughed.

"Yeah…" she muttered.

"Here, I'll do it… it's a guy thing, right Lucas?" Johnny said, walking over to the boy.

"Yeah!" Lucas said and Lulu laughed and handed Johnny the tie. Lucas stuck his tongue out at his mother and Lulu retaliated by sticking her tongue out at him.

"Lucas, do you know that you have the coolest mom in the world?" Johnny asked, kneeling down to Lucas' level.

"No…" Lucas said jokingly.

"Well you do… a long time ago… your mom and I were best friends…" Johnny said, wrapping the tie around Lucas' neck.

"Best friends?" Lucas asked.

"The best of bestest of friends…" Johnny said, smiling.

Lulu sat back as Johnny and Lucas talked. She couldn't help but to smile as Lucas' eyes lit up as Johnny told him about their "adventures". Of course, Johnny used some discretion. The full story of having Johnny's father trying to kill her at the Black and White ball was a bit intense for Lucas' tender ears.

"So you and mommy were really stuck in that cave running away from the bad guys?" Lucas asked, excitedly.

"Yeah… it was dark and scary with lots of spider webs…" Johnny said.

"Oooh! Really?" Lucas asked, turning to his mother and Lulu laughed.

"Yeah… it was super creepy with lots of bugs…" Lulu giggled.

"Well, there you are… you're all done…" Johnny said, standing up.

"What do you say, Lucas?" Lulu asked.

"Thank you!" Lucas squeaked. Suddenly, the door swung open and Lulu's aunt Bobbie came in.

"Oh, thank god I found you, Lulu!" Bobbie exclaimed, rushing over to her niece.

"Auntie Bobbie!" Lucas said and Bobbie grabbed him and hugged him tightly.

"How are you doing my little one?" Bobbie asked, smiling.

"Good…" Lucas said.

"Are you ready for the wedding?" Bobbie asked and Lucas nodded.

"That's good… oh! That reminds me… Nadine is asking for you, Lulu… she's having a crisis with her hair… again and we're already behind schedule with this wedding…" Bobbie lamented.

"Ok, I'll go… Johnny, can you watch Lucas for me until Lucky shows up to take him for when he's supposed to walk?"

"Um… sure…" Johnny said, nervously.

Bobbie took Lulu by the arm and ushered her out of the room to tend to Nadine. Johnny turned around and saw Lucas sitting down on one of the plush arm chairs, swinging his legs back and forth.

"So, if you're mommy's friend… how come you don't call like Spinelli?" Lucas asked.

"Your mommy and I had a big fight a long time ago…" Johnny said, sitting down next to him.

"About what?" Lucas asked.

"Grown up stuff…" Johnny said, smiling.

"Oh…" Lucas said, his voice trailing off.

Johnny couldn't put his finger on it but there was something about this kid sitting beside him. He was fascinated with the boy and he doesn't understand why. Something deep inside of him stirred whenever he was in the small boy's presence. He couldn't put his finger on it but there was something there that drew him in.

"So when's your birthday, Lucas?" Johnny said, trying to shake this weird feeling.

"December 14th," Lucas said, smiling.

Instead of that tugging feeling going away, it only intensified. He remembered the exact day that Lulu left town. It was March 20th… it was sunny outside and the weather was just starting to warm up to prepare for spring… it had been the perfect day.

Except for the fact that the woman that he loved walked out on him that day…

He looked down to the young boy and his eyes widened. Johnny's eyes roamed over the thick brown hair on the top of Lucas' head and the deep chocolate brown eyes that the small child had. He couldn't believe that he didn't see this before. Lucas looked exactly like he did when he was his age. Anthony had countless pictures of Johnny when he was a little boy standing beside his mother around the house… Lucas had the eyes that Johnny inherited from own mother… Lucas had the dimples and the same grin that Johnny had inherited from his father… and his birthday was close to nine months after Lulu had left Port Charles.

"Oh my god…" Johnny muttered.

_Lucas was his son._

Every single person who lived in Port Charles was invited to the nuptials of Nikolas Cassadine and Nadine Cromwell. They were essentially the equivalent of the royal couple in the small and sleepy New York seaside town. The ballroom in Wyndamere was buzzing with people as they sat in their seats before the wedding started. Johnny sat in the back of the room, unable to get his mind off his revelation. Suddenly, the doors opened and the small music ensemble began playing. Everyone stood up as Emma Scorpio-Drake, the five year old daughter of Robin Scorpio and Patrick Drake, walked down the aisle in a pale yellow flower girl dress followed by Lucas Spencer, carrying the rings. Everyone whispered to their neighbors about how darling the two children looked together. As Lucas passed Johnny, he flashed a smile and Johnny smiled back weakly. His son was looking straight at him and small Lucas didn't even know it. Lucas reached the front of the ballroom and Lucky, who was standing beside Nikolas, took Lucas brought him where he was supposed to stand.

"Wow… Lulu looks beautiful…" Johnny heard Diane Miller whisper to her husband Max Giambetti.

Johnny looked back towards the double doors at the back of the ballroom and saw Lulu standing in the doorway, holding a bouquet of white flowers. He bit his bottom lip and swallowed hard. To say that Lulu looked beautiful was a gross understatement. She was the essence of perfection in her strapless burgundy floor length bridesmaid gown. She didn't look down at Johnny but kept her head high with a smile on her face, happy that her brother had finally found happiness after Emily Quartermaine's tragic death. She began her march down the long aisle as the music hummed gently through the ballroom, letting her dress flow behind her like water. It amazed him that after all these years… she still had the power to take his breath away.

* * *

The ceremony went off without a hitch. Nadine finally made it down the aisle, despite everything that had happened up until twenty minutes before the wedding started. Nikolas and Nadine exchanged heartfelt vows and they were pronounced husband and wife, much to everyone's delight. The wedding party moved into the courtyard outside where there was a beautiful white tent that housed the band and dance floor. Lulu was sitting down at the large table for close family, watching Nikolas and Nadine dance closely. Was it so wrong to want something like that? Was it so wrong to want the dream of having that person that you've been waiting your entire life for? Lulu sighed heavily and stood up to get some more champagne. She wasn't used to wearing floor length dresses and high heels every day and she tripped over the hem of her dress. She saw herself falling to the floor but a hand grabbed her and stabilized her.

"Easy there… a face plant wouldn't suit the maid of honor…"

Lulu pushed the hair that had fallen into her face and saw Johnny standing there, holding her arm in his strong hands. Her heart was pounding wildly against her chest as she stood up and straightened herself out. She couldn't believe that he reduced her to a flustered teenager with every move that he made.

"Thanks," she muttered.

"So… I don't know if you'd want to—I mean… I'm asking you if you would like to—" he stammered.

"You're starting to sound like Spinelli, Johnny…" Lulu laughed and he smiled sheepishly.

"Would you like to dance?" he asked.

She looked up at him, trying to figure out if she heard him correctly. He was holding out his hand, waiting for her to take it so that he could take her over to the dance floor. She hoped that he didn't sense her hesitation. Things were tense between the two of them as is and she didn't want to make things even more awkward. She placed her hand in his and he smiled.

_It was only a dance… not a marriage proposal._

The dance floor was now filled with couples: Patrick Drake and Robin Scorpio, Sonny and Carly Corinthos, Luke Spencer and Tracy Quartermaine, Maxie Jones and Damien Spinelli, and Diane Miller and Max Giambetti to name a few. Johnny brought Lulu in close and laced his fingers through hers. She exhaled shakily as his other hand found its place on her lower back. The entire world seemed to fall away as they slowly rocked back and forth to the music. She hadn't been held like this in years. She closed her eyes and she couldn't help but to wonder. Could they have been happy? If she hadn't left town and he knew about Lucas… if she hadn't ran away and lied about everything… could they've been happy? Would they still be together?

"Lulu?" he asked softly.

"Yeah?" she asked.

"Do you ever think about us?" he asked.

She looked up at him and smiled sadly. It was amazing how their thoughts went to the same place after all these years of being apart. She was about to say something when she heard Lucas' shrill laughter coming from one of the tables. Luke was tickling Lucas so much that Lucas' tiny cheeks were bright pink. She looked back to Johnny and sighed heavily. Lucas was both of them… He was the product of the dangerous and unbridled love that they had for each other not too long ago. All of the joy, the friction, the tears, and of course the passion came together and created something beautiful and unique. She couldn't help but to think about their time together when she looked at her son because Johnny was staring straight back at her in Lucas' eyes.

"I think about us every single day…" she muttered with a glimmer of a tear in her eye.


	6. Return to Me

**A/N:** So, I'm really excited that this chapter is finally done because I've been waiting to write this chapter and I wanted to make it absolutely perfect. Basically, the last four chapters have been leading up to this moment… so there's plenty of JoLu angst and other good stuff… I hope you enjoy it… happy reading! And as always, please leave me a comment! (I write faster when I get more comments)

**Chapter 5 – Return to Me**

Lulu opened her eyes and sighed contently. Wyndamere was completely silent and that was just the way she liked it. Nikolas and Nadine were halfway across the planet on their honeymoon and as much as she liked her new sister-in-law, Lulu vowed to never plan a major event with her ever again. Nikolas, being the generous person that he was, offered Wyndamere to Lulu while he and Nadine were on their honeymoon but now that the reason she even returned to Port Charles was over, she was anxious to get back home to Los Angeles…

… and as far away from Johnny Zacchara as possible.

That moment at the wedding that they had on the dance floor played in her mind a thousand times. She was never one to dwell in the past but every single time she looked at Johnny, she couldn't help but to think about what her life would've been like if he knew about Lucas. Would they have been a family? Maybe they could've been one of those families that she would always see in the park that she desperately wanted to be a part of when she was growing up… it always seemed that everyone else had that type of family but not her… her father was too busy to be domesticated and her mother was in a mental institution… that didn't really make for a healthy and normal childhood or outlook on family life.

"Miss Lulu,"

Lulu sat up and saw Alfred standing in front of her. She smiled warmly at the older man. He was carrying a tray of coffee and the meringues that she loved from the bakery down the street from the MetroCourt hotel.

"I thought you might want a snack," he said, setting down the tray in front of her.

"Thank you, Alfred… that was very thoughtful of you…" Lulu said, snatching up the meringue on top of the heaping pile.

"Oh, and I have just received word that Lucky is on his way to the house… the boat has just arrived at the docks." Alfred said.

"Oh great… he's probably going to try to get me to move back here too… thanks for the warning, Alfred." she laughed.

"You're most welcome, Miss Lulu…" he said, leaving the room.

Lulu took a bite out of the meringue and sighed heavily. Seconds later, the door swung open and Lucky strode into the sitting room.

"Meringue?" Lulu asked, handing him the plate and Lucky laughed.

"No, thanks…" he said, sitting down.

"Good, more for me then… and before you even start, I already know why you're here…" she started.

"Really? And why is that?" he asked, folding his arms.

"Nikolas' wedding is over and you don't want me to go back to Los Angeles…" Lulu said, taking a sip of coffee.

"Lulu… L.A. is way too far… what if something happened to you or Lucas? None of us could get to you quickly… and all of your family is here… me, dad, Nikolas, Carly, Bobbie…" he started.

"I'm fine… I promise… Lucas and I love being on the west coast… Lucas loves his school and his friends and I don't want to uproot him… not now…" she said as she stirred another sugar packet into her coffee.

"Is this about Johnny?" Lucky asked.

"Of course not! This has absolutely nothing to do with Johnny…" she said defensively.

"Lulu…" he said, shaking his head.

"Lucky, he's the father of my child… every time I look at Lucas, I can't help but to see Johnny in him… and I know that I'm not being fair to him by keeping Lucas from him but I can't—I can't let him know that Lucas is his… when I heard that Michael had gotten shot and went into a coma, I just couldn't help but to think that it could be Lucas… and thank god that Michael woke up and he's ok now but I wouldn't know what to do if anything happened to Lucas just because of what Johnny does for a living." Lulu said.

"I understand completely… I just hate that you have to be so far away in order to protect your son…" he said, putting his arm around his little sister.

"I know… I miss you, Nikolas, dad and Carly when I'm in Los Angeles…" she sighed.

"At least stay for a few more days… I'll make you a deal… how about if I take Lucas with me to have a sleepover with Cameron and Jake? I'm sure they'll be thrilled to have their little cousin over and besides, Spencer is staying with us too while Nik and Nadine are in Greece…" he offered.

"I'm sure that Lucas will love that… he's been having so much fun hanging out with his cousins…" Lulu said.

"Enough fun to want to move to Port Charles?" Lucky asked, smiling.

"Don't push your luck…" she laughed.

* * *

The water was choppy as the boat sailed towards Spoon Island. Johnny didn't know what he was doing. One minute, he was standing on the docks looking at Wyndamere in the distance and then the next minute, he was on this boat, headed to Spoon Island. To say that he didn't know what he was doing was a lie… he knew exactly why he stepped onto that boat… he just didn't understand why. The boat pulled up to the dock on the small island and Johnny walked towards the main house. He raised his hand to knock but hesitated for a moment. He had a thousand good reasons not to knock on the door but he knocked anyway.

"May I help you?" Alfred, the Cassadine family butler, asked when he opened the door.

"Is Lulu Spencer around?" Johnny asked.

Alfred nodded politely and showed Johnny into the house. He followed the man into the main sitting room. Lulu was curled up on the couch with a book in her hand. She looked up at him and was obviously surprised to see him at Wyndamere. Johnny stepped into the room as Alfred closed the door behind him.

"Johnny, what are you doing here?" she asked, setting down her book.

"I just—I was on the docks and I thought that you might be heading back to Los Angeles soon and I was hoping to see you before you went back…" he said.

"Oh… well, Lucky convinced me to stay a few extra days… Lucas is actually over his house, having a sleepover… so you don't have to say goodbye to me just yet." She said, smiling.

He smiled back and looked down at the floor. He was trying to keep everything together. He should've been furious with her, everything considered. She kept his own child away from him even though there were about a million justifiable reasons why he should never be a father but he still couldn't muster up the anger towards her and he never really could.

"Hey… what's wrong?" she asked softly.

She stood up and walked over to him. She was wearing one of her old oversized Port Charles University sweatshirts that hung off one of her shoulders, revealing a bare freckled shoulder to him. He swallowed hard and tried to regain his composure. His eyes met her light brown eyes and they still carried their mysterious power over him. He couldn't help but to notice how close she was to him… so close that he could barely breathe. He hated himself for still wanting her after all of these years.

"I have to confess…" he whispered.

"Confess what?" she asked.

"I haven't been able to get you off my mind since the wedding…" he said.

The look in her eye changed as soon as the last syllable rolled off his tongue. She sighed heavily and backed away, avoiding his eyes. Her reaction was like a knife to the stomach. Maybe it was wishful thinking that she would be feeling the exact same way that he was but obviously not.

"Johnny…we shouldn't do this…" she said softly.

"And what exactly is 'this'?" he asked, stepping towards her.

"We shouldn't be having this conversation…" she said.

"But—but don't you ever wonder what happened to us?" he asked.

"Johnny…" she sighed.

"And then there was that moment at the wedding and—" he started.

"And what?" she asked.

"And I thought we got it back…" he breathed. Then something unexpected happened. Lulu took Johnny's hand in hers and squeezed it gently. She looked up at him and smiled sadly.

"I felt it too," she whispered.

"What does that mean?" he asked.

"It means that we still care about each other on some level…" she said.

She was saying everything that he didn't want to hear. Her words, as sweet as they sounded, stung bitterly with the harsh reality of their situation. Using the word 'care' instead of 'love' nearly killed him. He wished with all of his heart that she still loved him but it wasn't the case.

"I need to get this off my chest before I lose my nerve…" he muttered and she nodded.

"Go ahead," she said.

"I loved you… with everything that I had in me, Lulu… you were my world… and seeing you now, after all this time… it just—it just makes me think about everything that I said or didn't say… wondering if maybe things could've been different…" he said.

"Johnny… love was never our problem… I mean, I—I was crazy about you… even when everyone told me to stay away, I just couldn't… I just loved you so much… but it just wasn't enough to make it work… you wanted the business and the power and the money… and no matter how much you loved me, you would always want that life…" she said.

"That's not true…" he said, defensively.

"Then why didn't you fight for me, Johnny? Why didn't you choose me over the business?" she cried.

He caught a glimmer of a tear in her eye and he felt himself back in that study five years ago, watching her try to hold back her emotions when she walked out. He gritted his teeth and exhaled deeply. Who was he kidding? He was still in love with this woman. There was no side-stepping or any other way to sugar coat it. He fell in love with this blonde standing before him five years ago and he'd never gotten back up.

"I can't believe that I'm getting emotional over this… we ended five years ago…" she said, wiping her eyes.

"After you left… I did everything that I could to try to find you… I wanted—I wanted to tell you that _I chose you _and I wanted you and nothing else… I almost got on a plane to Los Angeles… I was standing in the airport, ticket in hand and about to get on the plane but…" he started.

"But what?" she asked tearfully and he reached over and brushed a tear from her cheek.

"I couldn't get the image of you in tears when you left… I hurt you so much… more than anyone needs to be in this lifetime and I didn't want to do that to you anymore." Johnny said and Lulu covered her mouth with her hands and shook her head.

"I wanted you to come find me, Johnny…" she whispered.

"I'm here now…" he said in a low voice.

He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her deeply. He thought that she would fight him but she didn't. Instead, she wrapped her arms around his neck and fell deeper into his kiss. Something in him completely snapped. With that one kiss, he only had one thing on his mind: he had to have her. He quickly brushed her hair aside and devoured her neck. She exhaled sharply and ran her fingers through his hair.

"Johnny…" she exhaled.

He wasn't about to let her stop him. He needed her in every way possible. As long as he could remember, he had never felt this way about any woman. She was like a fever. She made him feel like he was standing in the middle of the desert in July when she was in the same room with him but she gave him chills when she touched him. It had been five years since he held her… five long, cold and empty years and he couldn't stand another second without holding her small frame in his hands, kissing her all over, and having her say his name in that pleading whisper that drove him crazy.

"Upstairs… now…" she breathed.

He obliged her request and scooped her up into his arms. She cupped his face in her hands and kissed him softly. They hastily made their way upstairs and into the nearest bedroom. He walked her over to the bed and set her down on the edge. The window let in a little bit of the sunset into the room, making Lulu's eyes smolder with intensity and desire. He reached over and gently traced the outline of her lips slowly, memorizing every curve. She was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen… she was perfect as she always was. His heart began to race as she reached for the bottom of his shirt and began to undo the buttons. After peeling off his shirt, he knelt down do her level and kissed her passionately, his hands sliding underneath the gray sweatshirt but he found nothing underneath to unfasten. Her hands worked frantically to unbuckle his pants but he stopped her. He pulled off the sweatshirt that she was wearing and slowly pinned her down on the bed beneath him. He began his trail of kisses at her neck, slowly working his way down her chest and down to her stomach. He felt her grip on his shoulders tighten and her breath was becoming gradually shallower. He smiled mischievously as she arched her back, raking her fingernails up his back. He wanted her to want him just as badly as he wanted her… he was enjoying the teasing.

_She had already gone five years without him… a few more minutes of foreplay wasn't going to kill her…_

This man was driving her absolutely crazy. She hadn't been touched in five years and here he was… this tall, dark, muscular, and unbelievably sexy man… and he was just taking his sweet time with her. He must've known that she hadn't seriously dated anyone let alone slept with anyone since their breakup… being a single mom didn't really help her in the dating scene… He wanted her to beg for him… she could tell from the way his piercing stare and his meticulous attention to drawing out every single moment. He wanted her to beg and he knew that she wasn't a beggar… but now, she was screaming for him to take her. A cold and sharp shiver shot through her body as he wrapped his arms around her waist and his warm and gentle breath brushed over her stomach. He slowly made his way back up her body and she reached for his lips with her own but he pulled back a little so that he was just slightly out of reach. His mischievous but annoyingly seductive smirk spread across his face.

"Had enough?" he asked in a low and husky voice.

He was enjoying this game that they were playing. Before she had a chance to say yes, he pressed his lips to hers as he wildly began to tear at her jeans. He stripped her of the clothing left on her body without breaking their kiss and she worked on his belt buckle. She knew that she shouldn't have been doing this. Her head was screaming at her that this didn't change anything. He was still in the business and they could never be a family but the more Johnny kissed her, moving from her lips to her neck, her weak spot, that voice in her head grew fainter and fainter and she felt herself falling into the passion that was mounting. She pulled his belt until it was freed and she flung it across the room. He pulled away and ran his thumb over her bottom lip softly. She exhaled softly at the softness in his touch and she kissed his fingertips tenderly. She then went on to remove the rest of his clothes all the while she kissed neck. She wrapped her arms around him as he turned her over on her back so that she was lying beneath him. She looked up at him as she held his face in her hands and she wanted to tell him that she loved him. Despite all of her protests and declarations that she would never succumb to Johnny Zacchara ever again, there she was… back to square one. She adored this man whose soft features she was studying and she probably always would. His eyes met hers, silently asking her if this was what she really wanted. She put her hand on his chest and nodded. He pressed his forehead against her as he entered her slowly. She gasped and clutched his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her lower waist, bringing her close so that every inch of their bodies was touching. His lips met hers with the same fervor that they did before as he laid her back down on the bed. She repeated his name over and over, each time her voice becoming more saturated with need. She didn't care how it sounded. She needed him to love her… even if it was just for the night. Suddenly, like a reflex test, her arms above her head, clinging to the antique headboard behind her head and she exhaled shakily. Her back arched as she clutched the headboard tightly.

"Lulu," he said in a voice not quite a whisper but more like a soft plea.

He kissed her again and her hand came to his face. Every single touch seemed to trigger some new sensation that he had never felt before. Every single place that she kissed, touched or tasted sent a new chill through his body. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he felt her ragged breath on his face. He wasn't able to contain himself anymore and he buried his face in the crook of her neck and held her so close that he might crush her. He heard her go first with a soft moan and she wrapped her arms around him, holding to him for dear life. He followed her with a low and muffled groan and he felt his entire body relax in her warm arms.

As they came down from their state of euphoria, they said nothing. Johnny brought Lulu in close and held her before she fell asleep to the gentle and distant crashing of the waves on the rocks below. He kissed her shoulder before drifting off to sleep himself. Nothing needed to be said because everything that had just transpired did all of the talking for the both of them. Everything that they had both planned on saying to the other was completely irrelevant now because they both had come to the same truth.

_They were far from over._


	7. Resistance

**A/N:** So, as some of you may know, I made a trailer for Homecoming that's on YouTube… the link is on my profile/bio. Happy reading and don't forget to leave a review!

**Chapter 6 – Resistance**

Johnny could watch Lulu sleep for hours. He could lie there and watch the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed gently, counting the freckles on her bare shoulders, and never get bored. He sighed and he traced small circles on her arm. She was the most beautiful thing that he had ever seen. He laced his fingers through hers and kissed her fingertips as softly as he could. He thought that he saw a glimpse of a smile pass over her lips as she slept and he felt himself break out into a grin. Finally, she was back where she belonged…

_With him…_

He ran a finger under her chin and then over her lips. It amazed him how strongly he felt after five years of being apart. He probably loved her even more than he did when she left and now that she had given herself to him, there was no way that he was going to let her get away again. She gently stirred from her sleep, stretching her arms above her head. He bent over and kissed her as his hands wrapped around her blanketed waist and pulled her closer.

"Hi…" she muttered as he freed her lips for a moment.

"Hi…" he managed to get out before he kissed her again.

He felt her melt in his arms and she wrapped her arms around his neck as he deepened their kiss. She giggled softly as he moved to her neck. She then sighed and raked her fingers through his chocolate brown hair.

"Johnny…" she panted.

"Please don't tell me to stop…" he whispered in her ear.

His low voice and his repeated kisses made her toes curl. How could she muster up the energy to tell him to stop when he was doing everything in his power to get her to yield to him again? She could barely remember how to breathe when Johnny covered her neck with soft kisses. She bit her trembling bottom lip and silently cursed the fact that she couldn't say no as he continued to break down all of the walls that she was desperately trying to reconstruct.

"Do you really want me to stop?" he asked softly.

"I can't think while you're doing that to me…" she whispered.

He sat up and looked down at her, lying beneath him. Hidden behind that intense passion in her eyes was a flicker of doubt. He sighed heavily and sat cross-legged on the bed next to her. He knew that look. He had seen it so many times. There was clearly some conflict that was going through his beautiful blonde's head.

"What's wrong?" he asked, taking her hand in his.

"Nothing… it's—it's just… I don't know what you want from me, Johnny…" she said softly.

"What do you mean? I want you… I've always wanted you…" he said, holding her hand.

"But for what? Just for the night? Just as long as I'm in town?" she asked.

"I can't believe that you would even ask me that…" he said, throwing back the covers. He stood up and swooped up the pair of jeans that he came over with and put them on quickly.

"Johnny… what are you doing?" she asked, scooting towards him.

"You're implying that I was just using you…" he said.

"That's not what I meant… I—I just feel like this is coming out of nowhere… it's been five years, Johnny…" she sighed.

"**Exactly**… It's been five long and excruciating years since we've been together, Lulu… and I'm sorry if that means something to me… some of us can't shut off our feelings with a snap of the fingers…" he said, as he buttoned up his shirt.

"That's not fair! How could you even think that this meant nothing to me?" she cried.

"Does it?" he asked.

She looked up at him and knew immediately what the answer to that question was. Last night meant everything and she knew if she said that it meant everything, she would see him smile and he'd take her in his arms again and never let her go. Things would be perfect… but for how long? A day? A week? A month? How long would it take for them to fall back into their fundamental problem? His life was just too dangerous for her and for Lucas. She wouldn't know what to do if what happened to Michael happened to Lucas just because of what Johnny did for a living. She would never forgive herself or Johnny and he didn't deserve that.

"I—I don't regret anything about last night…" she started.

"And I'm sensing that you're going to throw in a 'but' right now…" he said and she sighed heavily.

"But it doesn't change anything…" Lulu said.

"How—how does it not change anything? Last night… unless if I completely misread all of your actions… we reconnected, Lulu…" Johnny said.

"Johnny…" she sighed.

"No… Lulu, you can't do this to me again… you can't—you can't go back to Los Angeles…" he started.

"Well, what did you expect?" she cried.

"What did I expect? That you would stay! That's what I expected! I want you to stay and give us another chance… you, me and Lucas… we—we can be a family…" he said, sitting back on the bed next to her.

The way that he said that they could be a family almost made Lulu burst into tears. Why did he have to be so wonderful? He didn't even know that Lucas was his son and here he was, ready to step in and be a father to Lucas just to be with her. If it was at all possible, his words made her love him even more than she already did.

"We—we can't, Johnny… as wonderful as it sounds… you know that we can't work…" she said as her voice broke.

"How can you even say that? You know that I love—" he started but he caught himself before he could say another word.

She knew that he was going to say that he loved her and she was glad that he stopped himself. If he had actually said the words, Lulu knew that she wouldn't be able to deny him. She sighed shakily and flicked a tear from her eye. It wasn't supposed to happen like this. They were supposed to be done… she wasn't supposed to feel this way about Johnny ever again. She was supposed to meet a "nice man" with a respectable job, good family, and zero baggage but her mind and her heart always came back to Johnny Zacchara… and she hated that.

"Johnny… I know that you love me… I don't deny that at all… but it's not just me anymore… I have Lucas and I'm his mom first and always and I have to protect him…" she said.

"From me? What the hell do you think I'm going to do to him?" he yelled.

"Not you! Your life, Johnny! The business and the violence that comes with it! I can't—I won't have my son around that lifestyle… no matter how I feel about you!" she cried.

"So what am I supposed to do now? Just sit here and watch you walk out of my life again?" he asked angrily.

"Johnny…" she said, reaching for his hand but he snatched it away quickly.

"No! You—you don't get it, Lulu… when you left, I—" he started.

"What?" she whispered.

"You know what? Just forget it…" Johnny muttered.

"Johnny, wait…" Lulu started but he had already picked up his shirt and slammed the door behind him.

* * *

"Mommy?"

"Maybe Mommy is still sleeping…"

Lucas Spencer looked up at Lucky as they stood in the living room of Wyndamere along with Bobbie. Last night, Lucas had gotten homesick and asked Lucky to take him home early the next morning and Bobbie made sure that Lucas had some of her coffee cake to take back to Wyndamere with him.

"It is a bit early…" Bobbie whispered and Alfred came downstairs.

"I just spoke with Miss Lulu and she'll be down in a moment." Alfred said.

"Oh, wonderful… thank you, Alfred…" Lucky said, wrapping his arm around Lucas. Alfred nodded silently and disappeared into the kitchen. A few minutes later, Lulu came downstairs and Lucas immediately flew into her arms.

"Mommy!" he cried. She picked up her son and kissed his soft brown hair and squeezed him tightly. She needed that hug, more than anything.

"Sweetie… I missed you…" she whispered.

"I missed you too, mommy… and we brought Auntie Bobbie's cake!" Lucas squealed.

"Cake for breakfast?" Lulu asked jokingly.

"It's coffee cake… she says that it's ok to have for breakfast…" Lucas said, smiling.

"Ok… if Auntie Bobbie says it's ok…" Lulu said, standing up.

"How are you?" Lucky asked his sister and Lulu sighed heavily.

"I've been better… but that's not important…" Lulu said as she watched Lucas and Bobbie set up the coffee cake for the four of them.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Lucky asked.

Lulu was about to say no when Johnny came downstairs. Lucky saw them lock eyes for a split second and then they both turned away from each other and Lucky knew exactly what happened.

"You didn't…" Lucky whispered.

"Quiet!" Lulu hissed and Lucky sighed heavily.

"Johnny!" Lucas squeaked happily as he ran over to hug him.

Johnny caught Lucas in his arms and held him close. Lulu saw Johnny close his eyes and bite his lip, as if he were trying to hide his emotions. She watched him bring Lucas back over to where they were all standing.

"Do you want cake?" Lucas asked.

Johnny looked from Lucas to Lulu and she immediately turned away. She should say something. She should insist that Johnny stay. Lucas wanted him to stay but she really wanted him to stay for her. Everything in her was screaming at her to ask him to stay... to beg him to stay.

"I—I can't… I've gotta run…" Johnny said quickly.

She looked up at him and their eyes met again. She had hurt him… in more ways that he knew… and she couldn't blame him for wanting to get as far away from her as possible. He turned around and walked quickly out the door. She immediately wrapped her arms around Lucas' shoulders. Lucas pushed his mother's arms away from him and began running. Lucky tried to grab him but he wriggled away and ran upstairs.

"Lucas!" Lulu called after him.

"What was Johnny doing here anyway?" Bobbie asked quietly.

"One guess…" Lucky muttered and Lulu shot Lucky a dirty look.

"Oh…" Bobbie said, going back to cutting the coffee cake.

"Lulu… what were you thinking?" Lucky asked.

"He—he just showed up here last night and we just started talking about the past and we just—we reconnected…" Lulu said softly.

"Lulu… you say that you don't want Johnny to know about Lucas because of his life but you're keeping him in your life, leading him on and sooner or later, Lucas is going to be in danger, whether Johnny knows that Lucas is his or not!" he cried.

"I know! Johnny told me that he wants me back but I told him that we couldn't… that's why he walked out but Lucas… Lucas adores Johnny and I—oh my god… I didn't want Lucas to see that…" Lulu said.

"Would it be so terrible to let Johnny know about Lucas?" Bobbie asked.

"You can't be serious…" Lulu muttered.

"Sonny is a great father to Michael and Morgan and even though it took her awhile to see that, Carly understands that Sonny would do anything to protect those boys… maybe Johnny will do the same…" Bobbie said, handing Lucky a slice of coffee cake.

"So I'm just supposed to hand my child over to Johnny and hope for the best? Just hope that what happened to Michael doesn't ever happen to Lucas?" Lulu asked angrily.

"No, of course not… I'm just saying… Lucas is growing up so fast… and no one is questioning your parenting skills… from what I can see, you're a fantastic mother to Lucas… but he needs a father… he needs **his** father." Bobbie said.

* * *

Lulu held a large piece of coffee cake as she stood in front of Spencer's bedroom door. She heard Lucas sniffling on the other side of the door and she knocked softly.

"Sweetie?" she asked softly but there was no response.

"Lucas? I have some of Aunt Bobbie's coffee cake for you… open the door." She said after knocking again but Lucas didn't come to the door.

"Fine then… I guess I'll have to tell Aunt Bobbie that Lucas didn't want the biggest slice of coffee cake she cut…" she said, turning around.

The door opened slowly and Lucas rubbed his eyes and sniffed again. Lulu knelt down to her son's level and wiped his cheeks gently with her thumb. She handed him the plate with the oversized piece of cake and hoped that he would smile but he didn't. He just stood there looking at the cake without picking up the fork to start tearing it apart. Lulu sighed and kissed him on his cheek. She knew that she wasn't being fair and Lucas would probably resent her when he got old enough to look for Johnny but at least she could watch him grow older.

"Are you still sad?" she asked and Lucas shook his head.

"No…I just wish—" he started.

"You wish what?" Lulu asked, running her fingers through his short brown hair.

"At Jake and Cameron's house… I had a dream…" he started, poking at the cake with his fork.

"About what?" she asked.

"Johnny was my daddy and we all lived in a big house with a big backyard…" Lucas said softly.

Lulu covered her mouth with her hands and bit her bottom lip. This was too much for her. She was the only thing standing in the way of giving her son the father that he never knew and desperately wanted and giving the man that she loved the family that he had longed for forever.

"You did?" she asked, her voice slowly starting to break.

"I wish it was for real…" Lucas said sadly. Lulu took Lucas' plate from him and set it on the floor. She wrapped her arms around the small boy and held him close.

"Me too…" she whispered.


	8. Doing the Right Thing

**A/N:** Oh this is the big angst/drama chapter! And I know that this is weird since I usually alternate posting with this one and Opposite Sides but I've just been getting a lot of responses for Homecoming and I wanted to get this chapter out for all of you guys! Thank you guys so much for all of your great reviews! I really really really REALLY appreciate it. I constantly check my email for those review updates and whenever I get one, it makes me really excited that you guys are really enjoying the story! So, enough of my rambling and on with the story! Happy reading! (And as always, please don't forget to leave a comment!)

**Chapter 7 – Doing the Right Thing**

It was a warm day but Lulu shivered as she stood on the doorstep to the Zacchara mansion. She hadn't been back to that ghastly house since the night she left Port Charles. The house hadn't changed at all since she last walked through these doors. She lifted her hand and hesitated to knock. After everything that happened the night before, she couldn't imagine why Johnny would want to see her. She just wanted to make things right before she and Lucas left for Los Angeles.

"May I help you?"

Lulu looked up and saw one of the Zacchara guards standing in front of her.

"Yes… can I—I'm looking for Johnny Zacchara… is he here?" Lulu asked.

The guard nodded and showed her inside the house. He told her to wait outside of the study and he would tell Johnny that she was here. She folded her arms and walked over towards the door. She noticed a row of photos, sitting on a long table near the door. Most of them were pictures of him with Claudia or Maria, Johnny's mother. She remembered Johnny pointing out every picture to her with a sense of pride on his face. Her eyes narrowed on a new photo, right in the center. She picked it up and sighed heavily. It was of the two of them. She remembered that day perfectly. She was sitting on his lap, his hand was gently rest on her waist and she was laughing because Spinelli had just tripped over himself when Maxie Jones walked into Kelly's. Little Morgan Corinthos had just gotten his first camera as a birthday present from Jason and snapped a picture of the two of them. They looked so… normal… like any other couple that just happened to walk into Kelly's that night. It was before everything went so horribly wrong. She missed that… _she missed him_… she missed him so much that she could barely breathe when their eyes met or when she thought of him. She wanted nothing more than to have a life with Johnny and Lucas. She wanted Johnny to teach Lucas how to shoot a basketball and how to ride a bike. She wanted a family and she wanted Johnny to be Lucas' father but she couldn't see how that was possible. She set the picture frame down and brushed away a glimmer of a tear that began to form in her eye.

"I'm sorry, Johnny…" she whispered.

She exhaled shakily and closed her eyes. She wished that things could be different. She wished for a lot of things. She wished that she her resolve didn't crumble when Johnny kissed her. She wished that she could tell Lucas that Johnny was his father. She wished that Johnny's life was safe for her and their son.

"Mr. Zacchara will see you now," the guard said when he returned to the hallway.

She swallowed hard and opened the door to the study. Johnny was sitting at his desk. His eyes narrowed on her as she stepped towards him. He sat back in his chair and his eyes never left her. She knew that he didn't want to see her but she couldn't help it. She just wanted to salvage whatever this was between them.

"What're you doing here, Lulu?" he asked bluntly.

"I just wanted to come by and say that I was sorry for how things ended yesterday…" she said, walking towards him.

He looked up at her skeptically and sighed heavily. Why was she doing this? Couldn't she just leave this alone and leave him in peace? He stood up and walked around the desk and stood in front of her. She nervously stepped back and avoided his eyes. Was she really that afraid of him? Afraid of what she felt for him that she couldn't even bear to look at him?

"I'm sorry too… I—I didn't mean to upset Lucas… how is he?" he asked.

"Oh… he's fine… Carly's with him right now, helping him pack…" Lulu said softly.

"So, if that's all you wanted to say…" he said, turning away from her but she caught his arm and pulled him back.

"Stop this right now…" she hissed.

Her eyes were narrowed on him. A subtle hint of anger was simmering behind her gaze. He snatched his arm away from her grasp and locked eyes with her.

"Stop what?" he growled.

"You're being completely ridiculous and childish about this entire situation…" she said.

"I'm being ridiculous? That's rich, Lulu… no—please explain how I'm being ridiculous… explain it to me like I'm five!" he asked angrily.

"You're getting mad at me for something that happened five years ago, Johnny!" she cried.

"That's a bunch of crap and you know that! You knew how I felt about you! You knew that I still loved you and you exploited that!" he screamed.

Lulu's eyes widened at the tone of his voice. She hadn't heard him yell like that in years but she couldn't argue with him on that. He did love her… he probably never stopped… and yes, she knew that. He turned away from her and bent over the desk, clearly hiding his eyes from her. He then slammed his fist on the mahogany desk and she covered her mouth and sobbed. This was breaking her heart. She didn't want to hurt him. That was the last thing that she ever wanted but there she was… hurting the man that she loved and she hated herself for doing this to him.

"I—I didn't sleep with you to punish you, Johnny…" she whispered.

"Then why, Lulu?" he asked, turning around to face her.

"I—I care about you, Johnny…" she said softly but he rolled his eyes and scoffed at her admission.

"Right…" he muttered.

"I mean it, Johnny! God! I know what I did was wrong and unfair… it's not fair to you, it's not fair to me, and it's not fair to Lucas either!" she screamed and Johnny raised his eyebrow at her slip.

"What does Lucas have to do with any of this?" he asked.

Lulu gritted her teeth at her admission. She didn't mean to let that bit about Lucas slip out but it was out and the look on Johnny's face was suspicious. Cold fear shot through Lulu's heart as she realized that Johnny could possibly find out that Lucas was his son.

"Lucas—Lucas is my son and he's—he's fond of you and I—I can't have him making an attachment!" she cried.

"What's there to attach to if you're going back to California? Unless if there's some other reason why you don't want me around Lucas…" he said in a low voice as he came towards her. Her heart was racing. All of the walls were closing in on her.

"I—I—he's just—he's just been asking a lot of questions…" she stammered.

"About his father?" Johnny asked frankly and Lulu's bottom lip trembled.

"Johnny…" she squeaked.

She was begging him to stop prodding her. She was teetering on the edge of what she knew was right in her head and what was right in her heart and one thing out of Johnny's mouth could push her over into either direction.

"Keeping Lucas from his father isn't the right thing to do…" he muttered.

"I should go… I shouldn't have come here…" she said, trying to move past him but he caught her arm in his.

"Not until you tell me the truth, Lulu…" he said firmly.

Tears spilled down her face as she looked up at him and nodded silently. He let go of her arm and even though she wasn't and could never be afraid of him, she shook violently all over. She stepped away from him and managed to calm herself down.

"What do you want to know?" Lulu asked slowly.

Johnny stood there and thought long and hard about what he was about to ask her. A part of him didn't want the confirmation. He didn't want Lulu to tell him that Lucas was his son and do nothing about it. If she didn't know that he already knew, he could walk away, relatively unscathed with no expectations but he would be lying to himself. He knew that it would eat him alive to not raise his own son. It would kill him not to be there with Lucas; teaching him how to swing a baseball bat, teaching him how to drive, picking out colleges for him… he had to be there… he had to know.

"Is Lucas... my son?" he finally asked and Lulu began crying.

"Yes… Lucas is your son, Johnny…" she sobbed.

Hearing the words from Lulu's mouth just sparked a new sense of rage within Johnny that surprised him. He already knew that Lucas was his since the wedding but those six little words let loose a tidal wave of emotions that he couldn't even begin to explain.

"You lied to me... why?" he asked, angrily.

"Because it wouldn't have changed anything, Johnny!" she cried.

"How—how can you say that? It would've changed everything, Lulu!" he screamed.

"How? How would things been different if you had known that I was pregnant?" she said, wiping her face.

"I would've done right by you and Lucas, Lulu… I—I would've married you and been there since day one! I would've been the father that I never had! That we _both_ never had! We—we would've been a family…" he said.

"Johnny… as wonderful as that sounds, you just—you couldn't give us what we needed!" she fought back.

"You never gave me a chance! Instead, you just decided to cut me out of your life and left me in the dark about the fact that I was a father!" he cried.

"I was protecting Lucas by keeping him away from you!" she screamed.

"No! You were protecting yourself, Lulu! You kept Lucas away from me because of what happened between us not because I'm a bad person or because of my life!" he yelled back and Lulu laughed bitterly.

"Not every single thing that I do is about you, Johnny… and you have some nerve talking to me about my motives for keeping my son safe… I found out that I was pregnant the night that Michael was shot… I got the most heartbreaking call from Carly, telling me that her twelve year old little boy had been shot! What was I supposed to do? Just let you claim your child because it was the 'right thing' to do? If I had let you know that I was pregnant, I would've been painting a big target on my baby's forehead! So, I'm sorry if that bursts your little fantasy about me being the vindictive bitch that kept you away from your son but it's the truth! I did it to protect Lucas!" she screamed.

"He's my son!" he roared.

"And what are you going to do, Johnny? Huh? What exactly are you going to do? Take me to court? Drag out a time consuming custody battle? Proclaiming to the world and to your enemies that you have a son? If you do that, you're going to be putting Lucas into the line of fire!" she yelled

"I can protect my family…" Johnny growled.

"Having bodyguards twenty-four hours a day is no way to grow up… you know that better than anyone else… you're not being reasonable and you know it! Lucas is a five year old little boy, Johnny… he won't understand… he won't understand why he has to move away from all of his friends and leave his school, he won't understand why he has to be shuffled between two houses, he won't understand why he has to have bodyguards with guns around him at all hours of the day, he won't understand the huge upheaval of his life because of your selfishness, Johnny…" she said.

"Selfishness? I'm being selfish? That's great, Lulu… that's just great… all I ever wanted to do was to make you happy but you wouldn't let me… I—I wanted to be that person that you needed but you just shut me out completely… you're so determined to make it on your own and that you don't need anyone to depend on… but this isn't about you, Lulu… this is about **our** son and he needs me… and I know that you won't admit it but you know that I'm right… I told myself that if I ever became a father, I would do everything in my power to make sure that my kids didn't grow up feeling like I did… and that I would do anything to protect them…" he said.

"The only way to protect Lucas is to stay away from him…" she whispered.

"And from you, right?" he asked quietly.

"Yes…" she said, trying to suppress a sob.

"Do you really expect me to just walk away from my family? From my son and the mother of my child?" he asked softly.

His voice was sad and soft and it made Lulu tear up again. After everything that had been said, he still wanted a future with the two of them and it broke her heart. If it could be any other way, she would've brought Lucas to the Zacchara mansion herself and introduced him to Johnny as his father but it just couldn't happen.

"I'm asking you to… for Lucas' sake… please, Johnny…" she pleaded.

"When he's older… there's going to be no stopping him from seeking me out himself…" Johnny muttered.

"At least he'll live long enough to meet you when he's older…" she said.

"Damn it, Lulu… can't—can't we work this out?" he asked.

She looked up at him and laughed sadly. He was scrambling for some sort of solution that kept the two of them in his life but she had made up her mind a long time ago and she couldn't find it in her heart to budge. She never thought that she would say it but her mother, Laura, and her cousin, Carly, had more in common than she realized. Both Carly and Laura were mothers, bound by this indescribable connection with the father of their children. As much as people warned them against their respectable husbands, Luke Spencer and Sonny Corinthos, they could never run far enough to put their men completely out of mind. They both always fell back into that relationship, despite the danger and the unpredictability. Lulu used to be like that but no longer. That wild and reckless girl disappeared when she looked at her son's perfect little face for the first time. She witnessed what falling back did. It sent her mother to a mental institution and it sent Michael Corinthos into a coma and she wouldn't do that. She had to be the strong one. She had to be the one to break the cycle no matter how much it killed her to walk away from the only man that she had ever fallen in love with. She picked up her purse and slung it over her shoulder.

"I have to do the right thing… and so do you…" she said softly.

She turned the doorknob and pushed the door open. It felt like the night that she left five years ago. She didn't turn back to see the look of complete defeat and sadness on Johnny's face. She was doing the right thing. She was protecting her son from his dangerous father. She held her head high as she walked out the front doors. She was never going to come back to this house. She was going to get on that plane with her son back to Los Angeles and they would go back to their safe life. She was doing the right thing.

_Maybe._


	9. Ambivalence

**A/N:** I had a tough time with this chapter and I'm not 100 sure if I'm behind this chapter but I wanted to get it out to all of you guys… this chapter is mostly transitional… after this chapter, there's only 2 more chapters plus an epilogue! As a side note, I have another story currently in the works, so look out for that! Happy reading and don't forget to leave a comment!

**Chapter 8 – Ambivalence**

Johnny stood in the study, looking at the open door, hoping that she would come back. That was the second time that she had walked out of this study, without looking back… and it was the second time that he did nothing to stop her. He thought that maybe this time it wouldn't hurt as bad since he had lived through a broken heart before but it hurt even worse. He didn't know how many more times he could stand to have Lulu beat his emotions before he would start bleeding. How much could one person stand?

"I don't know…" he said out loud, answering his own question.

He walked over to the bottle of scotch that he had and poured himself a heaping glass. He held the glass in his hand, debating whether to down the entire glass in one gulp or to hurl it across the room. He should've gone after her. He should've grabbed her arm, turned her around and told her that he wasn't going to give up on her and their son that easily. Instead of fighting with her again, he should've just told her the truth: that she and their son belonged with him and he was never going to let them get away again.

_But he did let them get away. _

No matter how hard he tried to hang on, Lulu just kept slipping through his fingertips like fine sand… and then there was Lucas. This boy that was his but he knew nothing about. He didn't know what his favorite color was, what his favorite pizza topping was, or what he even looked like as a baby. Lucas was no different than any other little kid that Johnny saw walking down the street with his parents. But he was Lucas' father. He still didn't fully wrap his head around this whole concept of being a father. Growing up with Anthony Zacchara made him never want to have a family. Love was just a dolled up word for control in the Zacchara house. Anthony "loved" Johnny's mother so much that he killed her in a jealous rage that was directed at him. As his mother sunk down to the floor after Anthony fired that one fatal shot, Johnny swore that he would never become his father. He would never love someone so much that it destroyed him and he never wanted to have any children of his own because he didn't want what he went through to be passed onto his children. But when he met Lulu, hitchhiking on the side of the road, he wanted to prove himself wrong. He wanted to prove to the world that he could love somebody without losing himself and now there he was, wanting that family that he had desperately tried to avoid.

_It's funny how life throws curveballs_... he thought to himself as he knocked back the glass of scotch in his hand.

* * *

Lulu knocked on the bright red door to Carly's house. Her cheeks were still wet from crying as she drove from Johnny's over to Carly's house. She couldn't believe that she had even gone over there, let alone told Johnny the truth about Lucas being his son. How incredibly stupid could she have been? She knocked again until her knuckles turned as red as the door.

"Are you ok?"

Lulu looked up and saw Michael at the door. She looked him over for a moment. He still had that fiery red hair that he always had and those freckles that he had since he was a little boy but he was taller than her now and of course gone was the bowl cut that Carly had always stuck him in when he was younger and now his hair was cropped and styled like he had just walked out of a Ralph Lauren advertisement. Lulu quickly wiped the tears away from her eyes and smiled.

"Of course I am! Come here you… give me a hug…" Lulu said, embracing Michael. He chuckled and hugged her. He showed her inside and closed the door behind her.

"I'm assuming that you want to talk to mom, right?" he asked.

"Yeah… is she around?" she asked.

"I think she's upstairs… I'll go get her for you…" he said, quickly disappearing upstairs.

Lulu sat down on the coffee colored couch and sighed heavily. Carly had always been her rock, probably more so than her own brothers, maybe because Carly never lectured her or judged her. She just listened and then gave Lulu her honest opinion, even if she didn't want to hear it and that's what she needed right now. She had made a huge mess of this situation with Johnny and she didn't even know where to begin with fixing it.

"Hey! Michael told me you were here, what's up?"

Lulu looked behind her and saw Carly coming downstairs. She smiled warmly at her younger cousin and sat down on the couch right next to her.

"I have a problem and I think you're the only one who can fix it…" Lulu said.

"Does it have to do with a certain person by the name of Johnny Zacchara?" Carly asked, raising her eyebrow and Lulu smiled sheepishly.

"Yeah… Carly, I really screwed up…" Lulu said softly.

"What did you do?" Carly asked, kicking off her shoes and curling up on her couch.

Lulu could barely think of where to start. She had messed up so many times with Johnny that she didn't even know where to begin with telling Carly the situation. She sighed heavily and turned to Carly.

"Johnny came to see me at Wyndamere… the day after Nikolas' wedding." Lulu exhaled.

"Oh that's not good…" Carly muttered.

"He said that he wanted to see me before I went back to LA…" Lulu said.

"Yeah… I'm sure that's why he came to see you…" Carly laughed.

"And then he just started saying the sweetest things to me… he told me that seeing me made him think about how things could've been different between us and how he wished that he had gone after me and…" Lulu started.

"You fell for it, didn't you?" Carly asked.

Lulu thought about Carly's words. It wasn't entirely true because Johnny wasn't playing any games with her. That night was Johnny coming clean to her about how he felt and she knew Johnny better than anyone else and she knew that he wasn't lying.

"We—we slept together…" Lulu exhaled.

"Lulu…" Carly said, shaking her head.

"I know! I know! It was a really bad decision but he was just there and…" Lulu began.

"You missed him…" Carly inserted. Lulu looked up at her cousin and Carly just shook her head.

"How'd—" Lulu started.

"How did I know? Please, this is me you're talking to, Lulu… I've been there before… nothing that you could say would surprise me…" Carly laughed.

"I just couldn't say no… no matter how hard I try, I just can't stay away from him…" Lulu said.

"Ok, what happened after that?" Carly asked.

"He wanted to try again… he wants me to move back to Port Charles and when I told him that it wasn't going to work, he got so upset… he accused me of sleeping with him to punish him…" Lulu sighed.

"Well, obviously since you had just slept with the guy and then told him that you had no intention of getting back together with him… you know that you were giving him false hope by sleeping with him, right?" Carly asked, matter-of-factly.

"I know… which is why I went back this morning to talk to him… I wanted to apologize to him for how things ended…" Lulu started.

"Which I'm guessing blew up in your face…" Carly muttered.

It amazed Lulu how on the mark Carly was. Perhaps it was her dealings with Sonny that made her a seasoned professional in relationships with men like Sonny, Jason, Alcazar, and Johnny. Lulu buried her face in her hands and sighed in frustration.

"The understatement of the year…" Lulu groaned.

"What happened?" Carly asked.

"We got into a huge fight and I—I" she stammered.

"What did you do?" Carly asked.

Lulu almost started to hyperventilate. Her heart was racing and she tried to blink back the tears that were rushing to her eyes. She covered her mouth with her hands and shook her head, almost ashamed to tell Carly what she had done.

"Johnny asked point blank if Lucas was his son and—and I couldn't—I didn't want to lie to him anymore…" Lulu sobbed.

"You told him about Lucas?" Carly asked and Lulu nodded her head.

"And he was furious… I've never seen him so upset…" Lulu said, wiping her eyes.

"Well… to be completely honest with you, Lulu… what did you expect? Did you expect him to understand your reasons for keeping his child away from him despite how good your reasons for doing so?" Carly asked.

"I know… I'm just—I'm just so scared…" Lulu whispered.

"Let me tell you something… this fear that you have… you're not scared of Johnny's lifestyle… you never have been… if you were, you would've never have gotten involved with him in the first place and then you wouldn't have Lucas… you're scared that you're going to get hurt again… and you're using Lucas as a crutch…" Carly stated.

"How can you say that? After everything that you went through with Michael?" Lulu cried.

"What happened to Michael happened because of Sonny's wish to give his children a sense of normalcy after we caught Michael with that gun… Sonny wanted him and Morgan to have a life without bodyguards… if Sonny had kept the guards with him when Michael went to the warehouse that night, my son wouldn't have lost three and a half years of his life… Johnny has the means to protect you and Lucas and he would rather die than see you or your son hurt and you know that…" Carly said.

Lulu hated when Carly was right. Yes, Johnny's life was dangerous but she knew that Johnny would never let anything happen to her and now that Johnny knew that Lucas was his son, he would protect Lucas with his own life. Lulu laughed bitterly and wiped her eyes again.

"How is it that you can see right through me?" Lulu asked and Carly laughed.

"All I have to do is look back at my life and tell you the exact opposite of what I did… but in all seriousness… what do you want from Johnny? Do you want him back?" Carly asked and Lulu looked down at her hands and sighed heavily.

"I love him… I—I never stopped loving him… and there's nothing more that I want than for all of us to be a family…" Lulu exhaled.

"But…" Carly started.

"Johnny doesn't want anything to do with me… I wouldn't want anything to do with me if I were him… I've probably messed up any chance to reconcile with him…" Lulu sighed.

"There's really only one way to find out…" Carly said.

* * *

Johnny walked along the cobbled pathway of the graveyard of the small church about seven miles away from Crimson Pointe. The sky above him was gray and the large willow trees blocked out what little light was available. He hadn't walked this path in years… because he didn't know how to face her but she was the one person that could love him no matter what and he needed to talk to her even though he knew that she wouldn't talk back. He sighed heavily as he reached his destination. It was a spot in the back of the yard, right next to a row of rose bushes. He knelt down and put his hand on the gray marble plaque, tracing the letters on the name.

_Maria Isabella Zacchara_

"Hi Mom…" he exhaled.

He often wondered what his mother would think about his life now… if she would be proud of him or be disappointed. Would she even be able to recognize her own son? He was so different than the little boy that she knew. The harsh realities of life had hit him at an early age, slowly destroying him piece by piece.

"I know... I know I haven't been here in a while and I'm sorry but you're the only one that I can talk to right now…" he said softly.

He desperately wanted to hear her voice. He could remember hearing her softly talk to him as he fell asleep when he was little. After hearing his father yell and scream for hours, his mother's hushed words brought him so much comfort.

"I don't know what to do about Lulu… she's—she's just so determined to shut me out of her life and now that I know for sure that Lucas is mine, I don't know if I can walk away from him even if she thinks it's the best thing to do…" he started.

"A part of me died that day when she left and for the first time since you died, mom… I felt like I couldn't breathe… and Claudia tried to help even though she didn't like Lulu that much but even she couldn't help… I just—I felt like I was drowning and no one could pull me back up to the surface…" he said, his voice breaking as he finished his phrase.

Showing emotions was a sign of weakness according to his father. He tried to never show any emotion when in the presence of his father and he just carried that principle until he was older. He wiped his eyes and exhaled shakily as he rose to his feet. He had lost so much and now that he finally had a family, how could he not want to hold onto that instead of choosing to remain isolated for the rest of his life?

"I should be angry… I **am** angry… I'm angry at her for not telling me that she was pregnant but I'm angrier at myself for not doing anything about it… I just stood there and let her walk out of my life when I knew that it wasn't what I wanted and it wasn't what she wanted…" he said, pacing in front of his mother's grave.

His heart was beating wildly against his chest. He really could use his mother's soothing words right now because his mind was in a million different places. He felt suspended in midair, not knowing which way was up.

"But I can't blame her for wanting to keep Lucas safe… there really are no guarantees with the business and I could never forgive myself if anything happened to him because of me… I just—I just don't know what to do, mom… am I being selfish for wanting my family even though it'll be dangerous for them? How can I say that I love Lulu and not want to keep her safe?" he cried.

His eyes were glassy full of tears. This was killing him. Doing the right thing by his family by keeping them safe would be to walk away and he didn't know if he could do that. He couldn't walk away from his own son and the woman that he was supposed to spend the rest of his life with. He buried his face in his hands and exhaled sharply. If he fought for them, however, he could be doing more damage than good. He hadn't established himself as a real power like his father so rival organizations wouldn't even think about touching his family and he didn't know if he even wanted that power. He could do his best to keep them safe but he didn't know if that would be enough.

"What do I do, mom?" he whispered.


	10. What You Wish For

**A/N:** Thank you guys for your fabulous reviews for both Homecoming and Just Like Heaven (if you've read it) This chapter is pretty short and I expect the next one and the epilogue to be short as well but I promise that they'll be worth it. Hang in there with me, reader! We're almost at the end of this journey :) Happy reading and don't forget to leave a comment!

**Chapter 9 – What You Wish For**

Lucas didn't want to leave Port Charles. He had so much fun with his cousins, aunts, and uncles that he never wanted to go home. Spencer, Cameron and Jake had stayed up all night making Lucas a scrapbook of all of the photos that were taken over the course of the trip: pictures at the wedding, in the park playing softball, at the museum and the summer fair that was just winding down. The entire family had been at Wyndamere to see Lulu and Lucas off to the airport but there was someone else she had to say goodbye to before she left.

"Mommy, who's house is this?" Lucas asked as they stood on that front doorstep. The little boy looked around curiously at the guards standing at the gate and at the door.

"This is Johnny's house…" she said as she knocked.

Another guard opened the door and ushered them inside. Lucas wandered around the entry way, looking at the paintings and the pictures and Lucas pointed to the picture of her and Johnny and smiled.

"Is that you?" he asked.

"Yeah… mommy looks different now, doesn't she?" she asked, smiling.

"No you don't…"

The voice wasn't Lucas' squeaky one but one that was deeper. She looked up and saw Johnny standing in the doorway. Lucas quickly turned around and smiled at Johnny. He took the picture and set it back delicately in its place on the mantle and gave Johnny a hug. Lulu looked on as Johnny held Lucas close. He sighed heavily and smiled. He set the young boy down and ruffled up his dark hair and looked up at Lulu.

"I—um—I—we just wanted to say goodbye… we're on our way to the airport." Lulu said softly.

_Don't… please…_

He wanted to say it out loud but he couldn't find it in him. Now that she had come back, he knew how much he really needed her. He was screaming on the inside, telling her not to leave him again but his stoic demeanor never let his true feelings show.

"You're flying back to LA…" he said almost mechanically.

"Yes…" she whispered.

Her voice was heart wrenching and it almost made him crack but he couldn't. He wouldn't allow himself to. He cleared his throat and motioned to one of his guards.

"Can you take Lucas into the media room? Lulu and I need to talk alone…" he said to the guard and the guard nodded.

They both watched Lucas and the guard until they disappeared around the corner and then she turned back to Johnny. Her eyes were brilliant with tears that she was trying her hardest to not spill. She put her hands on her hips and sighed heavily.

"What are we doing, Johnny?" she asked.

"You're leaving to go back home, remember?" he said softly.

"I—I know but…" she started.

"But what, Lulu?" he asked, folding his arms.

"Look, I'm sorry—I'm sorry for what happened the last time we spoke…" she started.

"There's nothing to be sorry about… you were honest… you don't want me in your life or our son's life… I get it… I don't like it but I get it… and I'm not going to do anything that'll confuse or upset Lucas… that's the last thing that I want…" he said.

"That's what I want to talk to you about… I want you to—I mean—if you would like to, you can come and visit us whenever you want in Los Angeles… I think that Lucas would like that… he's—he's very fond of you, Johnny…" she said.

"You said that you didn't want to confuse him or have him making an attachment to me… and I—I think that's for the best… considering our arrangement for me to not claim him…" he said, his voice wrought with emotion.

His voice was breaking her heart. She knew that he was lying. He really didn't want to stay away but he was trying to do what he felt was best for his son and she was immediately sorry for making him believe that Lucas would be better off not knowing his father. For once, she wanted him to be selfish and fight for them one last time.

_Because if he did, she wouldn't fight back…_

"I know that's what I said but—" she started.

"But nothing… there's nothing else that needs to be said, Lulu… it'll—it'll be easier for everyone just to make a clean break… Lucas may not even remember me in a year or two…" he said softly.

"Don't say that…" she squeaked.

He watched her shut her eyes, possibly fighting back some tears that were rushing to her eyes. His arms were aching to hold her until the entire world stopped. He wanted to kiss those tears away and whisper everything that she wanted to hear, that she deserved to hear from the man that she loved but he couldn't. He wanted her to change her mind and tell him that she wasn't going to leave him ever again and that they were finally going to be a family but he couldn't tell her that. He was tired of trying to persuade her to be with him when it wasn't what she wanted.

"Lulu… stop—stop making this difficult…" he said through gritted teeth.

"What am I doing?" she asked.

"You're making this impossible for me!" he yelled.

She covered her mouth with her hands and shook her head. He turned away from her and buried his face in his hands and sighed heavily. She didn't know how much more of this she could take. She hated herself for putting Johnny through the ringer and she wanted to tell him the truth but she couldn't find the words that could change both of their lives.

"Johnny… look at me… can you just look at me for a minute?" she pleaded. He turned back around and his eyes met hers. She walked towards him and put her hand on his cheek. He sighed and closed his eyes at her touch.

"I'm—I'm not trying to make things difficult for you, Johnny…" she exhaled.

"It will **kill** me to look at Lucas, knowing that he's mine and not doing anything about it… I—I can't do that, Lulu…" he said.

"I'm not asking you to do anything that'll be difficult for you… I'm just—I just want you to know that you're always welcome to visit us in Los Angeles…" she said.

He studied her face and knew that she was on the verge of cracking. He closed his eyes and put his hand on top of hers that was still on his cheek. He couldn't do this anymore. He had to step back and stop himself from being selfish and taking her in his arms and making her stay.

"You—you don't want to miss your plane…" he said softly, removing her hand from his face.

She stepped back and nodded. He watched her wipe her eyes and call for Lucas from the other room. Lucas trotted back over to them accompanied by the same guard that had taken him before.

"Ready to go?" Lulu asked, ruffling her young son's dark brown hair.

"Yeah…" Lucas said, slinging his miniature backpack over his shoulder.

"Alright… say goodbye to Johnny then…" she said.

Lucas flew into Johnny's arms and Johnny caught him and held him close. He was going to miss him… so much. He kissed his head and sighed heavily. When Johnny looked back up at Lulu, more tears were in her eyes but she tried her hardest to hide them from him.

"Will you come and visit me and mommy?" Lucas asked. Johnny looked into the young boy's hopeful eyes and couldn't help but to smile.

"I'll try…" Johnny managed to get out.

"Ok… bye, Johnny!" Lucas said happily.

Johnny showed the two of them to the door and watched them climb into their town car and pull off into the distance. He walked down to the road and watched until the car disappeared from his sight. He suddenly felt this overwhelming sense of regret wash over him. This wasn't what he wanted, this wasn't what she wanted, and it certainly wasn't what was right. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and furiously began punching in numbers into his cell.

"It's me… listen… I need a favor…" he said.

* * *

"Mommy? Are you going to eat the rest of your french fries?"

Lulu snapped out of her trance and looked up at her son. The airport terminal was bustling with people and she and Lucas were sitting in the McDonalds near their gate. He was hungrily eyeing her half-eaten carton of fries. She smiled and slid them across the table towards him.

"Knock yourself out…" she said.

He laughed giddily and began munching on the fries and Lulu fell back into her thoughts. This wasn't supposed to happen. She wasn't supposed to fall back in love with Johnny when she came back to Port Charles. She wasn't even supposed to see him. He made his choice and she made hers and that was it. She should be pleased that he wasn't going to fight her with custody of her son but it just didn't feel right. She didn't feel right about leaving Johnny with nothing.

"Mommy?" Lucas asked.

"Yes?" Lulu asked.

"Are you sad?" he asked and Lulu laughed softly. It was amazing how perceptive her son was.

"Just a little bit…" she said, wiping a bit of ketchup with her thumb on the corner of Lucas' mouth.

"Do you miss Johnny a lot?" he asked as he dipped another french fry into his ketchup.

"Yeah, I do…" she said, reaching over and taking a fry from him.

"Do you love him like Uncle Nik loves Auntie Nadine or like Grandpa loves Grandma Tracy?" he asked innocently and Lulu chuckled.

"I did… a long time ago... why so curious?" she asked before biting into her fry.

"Maybe… maybe you and Johnny could get married and Johnny could be my daddy…" he said softly.

She looked up sharply at Lucas and saw the sadness in his eyes. She reached across the table for his tiny hand and sighed.

"Sweetie… it's—it's a lot more complicated than you know…" she said.

"Why?" he asked.

Lulu always thought that Lucas was wise beyond his years. It didn't make sense to him why she and Johnny couldn't be together and it was starting to look that way to Lulu as well. She ruffled his hair and smiled at him again.

"How did I get so lucky to have a smart kid?" she asked and Lucas shrugged.

Lulu laughed as she looked down at her watch. Their plane was scheduled to start boarding in ten minutes. She handed Lucas his backpack and took him by the hand and they left the restaurant quickly. They reached their gate and entered the line for boarding. She looked over her shoulder and wished that she would see Johnny standing there, waiting to tell her what a huge mistake she was making by leaving him. She wished for a lot of things: world peace, animal rights, Lucky finding a decent girlfriend… but the one thing that she wished for with all of her might was the one thing that Johnny hadn't done before: to come after her… but she knew that he wasn't coming. She had broken him one too many times… he wasn't going to come.

"Ma'am?"

Lulu snapped out of her trance and saw the woman ready to take her boarding pass. She smiled politely and handed the woman her boarding pass along with Lucas' boarding pass. She did her best to hide her disappointment and boarded her flight.


	11. Where You Belong

**A/N: **I have literally had the **WORST** case of writer's block with this chapter but here it is! Enjoy! This is the last chapter of the "story" and all that's left for this one is the Epilogue which is mostly fluff but necessary fluff. Happy reading! And (as always) don't forget to leave a review!

**Chapter 10 – Where You Belong**

Lulu sighed heavily when the cab pulled up in front of the apartment building where she and Lucas lived. Lucas opened up the door and stepped onto the sidewalk. It was dark, with the only source of light coming from the antiquated street lamps that flooded the sidewalk with a sickly orange tint. Lulu rummaged through her wallet and pulled out some money to pay the cab driver as he unloaded their three suitcases from the trunk of the car. She thanked the driver and dragged her suitcases into the building and into the elevator. Lucas was silently playing a video game. His face was clearly saddened by the return back to Los Angeles.

"Sweetie, are you ok?" Lulu asked.

"Yeah…" he sighed, not even bothering to look up from the tiny screen.

She sighed heavily as the elevator doors opened up to their hallway. The two of them made their way down to the end of the hall to their apartment.

"Are you glad to be home?" she asked, hoping for some enthusiasm from her son.

"Maybe…" Lucas muttered.

She gave up internally trying to cheer Lucas up. She fished her keys out of her purse and unlocked the door. Lucas stood back as Lulu struggled to pull all three suitcases into the apartment. Lucas walked by her, his head still down and focused on the video game that he was playing. She set her keys down but was startled when Lucas screamed. It wasn't a scream of terror but one of his shrill excited screams.

"Lucas? What's going—" she started as she looked up and she could hardly believe her eyes.

_Johnny was sitting on her couch._

Lucas laughed and raced over to him, flinging himself into Johnny's lap. He swung Lucas up into his arms and they both laughed. Lulu put her hand over her heart, trying to stop it from thrusting out of her chest. She nearly exploded when Johnny gently kissed the top of his son's head as he sat him down on the floor.

"What are you doing here?" Lucas asked happily.

"You told me that I had to come visit you, right?" Johnny said, smiling.

"Mommy? Can I show Johnny my room?" Lucas asked, turning back to Lulu.

"Um… Lucas, why don't you go and unpack your stuff… Mommy and I need to talk first and then I promise I'll come and see your room…" Johnny said, ruffling Lucas' hair.

Lucas agreed and skipped down the hallway with his small suitcase trailing along behind him. Lulu turned back to Johnny and sighed heavily. It seemed like they were silent for what seemed like an eternity.

"So, I'm guessing that you want to know why I'm here…" he started.

"It—it is a bit surprising…" she stammered.

"I'll leave if… if this is hard for you…" he said, picking up his coat. He tried to walk past him but Lulu gently stopped him from leaving.

"I didn't say that…" she whispered.

"Alright…" he said, setting his blazer down on a nearby chair.

"Just—just tell me why you're here…" she said softly.

He looked up into her eyes and exhaled shakily. She was standing so close to him and her voice was so low and gentle… just the way she always sounded as she was lying beside him in his dreams and it was driving him mad. He reached over and brushed her blond hair from her shoulder and a cold shiver fled down his spine at the sensation of her fine hair in his fingertips.

"Are you alright?" she asked, obviously taking notice of his flustered state.

"Yeah… I—I was just… thinking about something…" he said.

"What?" she asked, nervously curling a piece of hair around her hair.

"Why I'm here..." he muttered.

"Is there a reason why you're talking in circles, Johnny?" she asked.

He was surprised at her completely neutral tone. He half expected her to be irritated and fed up with him by now but she was just calmly asking him the most obvious question.

"I was going to say that I honestly didn't know what I was doing here… but I would be lying… to myself and to you, Lulu… and I don't want to lie to you anymore." He said.

Lulu's breath caught in her throat. What did that mean exactly? Was he changing his mind about suing for custody for Lucas? Her mind was running rapid through every possible horrible option. She swallowed hard and tried to keep her composure.

"Wh—what do you mean?" she asked, shakily.

"I've watched you… walk out of my life… twice, Lulu… **twice**… I've felt like my entire world collapsed… **twice**… and it didn't get easier to see you go… and all I could think about was how completely wrong this was…" he started.

Lulu's face cracked and she began to sob uncontrollably. Her entire body was overcome with tremors and she tried to quiet herself by covering her mouth, trying to keep Lucas from not hearing her cries. Johnny caught her in his strong arms and led her towards the couch where she was able to moderately compose herself.

"You've—you've changed your mind…" she sobbed as her face was buried in his navy shirt.

"My mind's been made up for five years, Lulu…" he said softly, wiping the tears from her eyes gently.

"What are you talking about? You haven't known about Lucas for five years!" she cried.

"Lucas? This isn't about Lucas… well, he's a big part of this because he's our son but I'm talking about you and me, Lulu…" he said, tilting her face up to his.

Lulu's eyes met his and her bottom lip trembled as he leaned in slowly. Before he had a chance to plant a kiss on her lips, she shied away, gently removing herself from his arms and stood up. Being too close to Johnny made her head spin. She exhaled and wiped away any remaining evidence that would indicate that she had been crying.

"Lulu… look at me…" he said.

She turned around and he was already standing. His eyes were pleading with her not to pull away any more. She had been running from him for almost five years in his mind and he didn't want to chase her anymore.

"I love you…" he exhaled.

Her stance wavered at his words. He loved her. She already knew that he loved her but it was just so wonderful to hear the words come out of his mouth. Her eyes were immediately taken over by a new onset of tears.

"I've let you walk away from me once and did nothing about it… and I'm not about to let it happen again…" he said, walking towards her.

"Johnny…" she sighed but he put a finger to her lips to silence her.

"Don't—don't push me away again, Lulu… you… me… and Lucas… we belong together…" he muttered as he inched closer to her.

Her hands slid up his chest and gently fingered the collar of his shirt. She could feel and hear his heart beating against his chest and his breath increasingly becoming shallower as her fingers raked up his body. He then encased her in his arms, pulling her to him gently and sending her own heart racing.

"Say something, Lulu…" he whispered.

"I'm afraid to say anything…" she said, smiling sheepishly.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"I've been here… so many times with you… dreaming of this moment when you came for me…" she said before her voice broke. He brushed away the tears that were flowing down her cheek and when she looked back up at him, she noticed that he was smiling… laughing almost.

"You're not dreaming, Lulu…" he said soothingly.

"How'd—how did you get here before us?" she asked, shaking her head, and he smiled again.

"I didn't plan on it… I got a chartered plane and your flight just happened to be late I guess… your super let me into the apartment when I told him that I was Lucas' father… good thing that kid looks like me…" he said, grinning, and she felt herself smiling too.

"I guess I'm not dreaming after all…" she said.

"No… I'm really here, in your living room… and I'm doing what I should've done five years ago… and I hope that I'm not too late and even if I am… I'm not going without a fight…" he said, cupping her face in his hands.

"You're not too late, Johnny…" she said softly.

She barely got the words out before Johnny pressed his lips to hers with all of the passion that he could muster. She fell dizzily into his kiss, wrapping her arms around his neck. She felt her feet being lifted off the ground and she realized that he had swept her up into his arms and was carrying her towards her bedroom.

"Wait…" she muttered, placing her hand on his chest.

He gently set her back on her feet and she went to Lucas' door and poked her head through. He was fast asleep on his bed, clutching his favorite Batman action figure, most likely to show Johnny. She felt Johnny's hands slide up her arms and onto her shoulders. Without even saying a word, Johnny walked past Lulu and into his son's bedroom. He slipped off his shoes without even disturbing Lucas as Lulu took out a pair of pajamas for him. Johnny skillfully put Lucas in his pajamas and into bed without rousing him from his deep sleep. He bent over the miniature sized bed and kissed the top of his son's dark brown hair softly. He then took Lulu by the hand and led her out of the bedroom, closing the door quietly behind them.

"Can you be quiet?" he murmured, with his hand on the doorknob of Lulu's bedroom.

It took a while for Lulu to grasp what he was saying and when it did, Lulu blushed scarlet red, causing Johnny to chuckle.

"For this to work, **we're** both going to have to learn…" she said and Johnny laughed again as he opened the door. He bent over to kiss her again but she pressed a finger to his lips before he could reach hers.

"I love you, Johnny Zacchara…" she whispered.

She released his lips from her blockade and he swept her up into his arms again. He felt her shiver as he held her in his arms but a small smile passed over her lips and she reached up to kiss him. He walked into the bedroom and gently kicked the door closed behind him. This was how it was supposed to be. There was no regret in the pit of either of their stomachs at that moment because this was where they belonged… with each other… now and always.

* * *

Lulu turned over and groaned when her arms hit a pile of rumpled sheets next to her instead of Johnny's chest. She opened her eyes slowly as they hurt from the bright light coming through her windows. Last night was… nothing short of breathtaking but she marveled at her self-control and there were no interruptions of any kind. She heard the familiar sounds of the television and Lucas giggling from the living room. _Thank god that he decided not to wake her up this morning_. She then became aware that Johnny was nowhere to be found. She quickly jumped into the shower and dressed. She walked into the living room and was taken by surprise to see Johnny sitting next to Lucas on the couch, watching television in completely different clothes than last night.

"Good morning, sleepy head…" Johnny said, grinning up at Lulu.

"What—what happened?" she asked, clearly confused.

"Remember? I told you that I would be back in the morning to take you and Lucas out to breakfast since it was so late last night…" he said, winking at her.

Thank god she wasn't dreaming…

"Right… Lucas… why don't you go get dressed?" she asked, playing along.

Lucas cheerfully hopped off the sofa and darted down the hallway into his room. Johnny stood up and immediately locked her mouth in a kiss.

"Nice cover story…" she muttered.

"I prefer to hold off on the sex talk with Lucas as long as possible… how are you this morning?" he asked, running one of his long fingers over her lips.

"I've never felt better…" she said, smiling.

"Good… feeling's mutual…" he whispered before sneaking another kiss in behind her ear.

"I was thinking…" she started.

"Mhm?" he muttered as he continued his soft kisses on her neck.

"What should we tell Lucas?" she asked. He looked up at her and sighed. He took her hand in his and kissed it softly.

"Whatever you want to right now… it's your decision..." he said.

"Ok, I'm ready!" Lucas chirped as he made his way back down the hall.

Lulu blushed as Johnny detached himself from her. She turned around and saw Lucas standing right in front of her and she brushed off her embarrassment with a smile.

"Lucas… sweetie… before we go, Johnny and I have something that we want to talk to you about…" she said, ushering him over to the couch. Johnny raised his eyebrow at the gesture and sat down beside Lulu.

"Are you going to marry Johnny?" Lucas asked and Johnny laughed at the young child's frankness.

"No—I mean… not yet…" Lulu said, clearly flustered.

"When I ask your mom to marry me, I will make sure that I get your permission first…" Johnny said, smiling.

"I—we wanted to talk to you… about your dad…" Lulu said softly.

"Ok…" Lucas said, frowning in confusion.

"I know that you've been asking a lot of questions about your dad and Johnny lately and I don't want you to be confused anymore…" she said quietly and Lucas nodded his head in agreement.

"I know how much you want me and Johnny to be married so that he can be your dad but… Johnny—Johnny is **already** your dad." She said, running her delicate fingers through her hair.

"Johnny… is… my… daddy?" Lucas asked.

"Yeah… I am, buddy…" Johnny said.

Suddenly, Lucas' eyes sparkled with excitement and he launched himself into Johnny's arms. Lulu watched Lucas hug Johnny as tightly as his little arms could and smiled.

"Can I call you daddy?" he asked.

"You can call me whatever you like, Lucas…" Johnny said, kissing the top of his son's head.

"I want to call you daddy…" Lucas said, grinning.

"I want that too…" Johnny said, smiling back down at him.


	12. Epilogue

**A/N:** Voila! Here's the last chapter of Homecoming! I know it's sad but it's finally done! Yay! This epilogue was longer than I intended it to be, surprisingly… I have no idea how that happened but it's longer, which is always good! I hope you've enjoyed this fantastic little JoLu Journey and I'd like to thank all of my avid readers/reviewers! You guys are the best and you're the reason why I work through the insufferable writer's block so I can deliver the story :) As always, happy reading and don't forget to leave a comment and look out for new stuff from yours truly!

**Epilogue**

Lulu tried to suppress a giggle as Lucas tiptoed down the hallway with a steaming hot cup of coffee for Johnny in his favorite mug. He was just too cute, she thought. He carefully pushed open the door, flinching as it creaked audibly. It was Johnny's very first fathers' day and Lucas wanted everything to be absolutely perfect. Johnny insisted that he didn't want a big fuss but Lucas wasn't going to take that lightly. Lucas wanted to do everything: breakfast in bed, playing catch in the park and of course, Johnny had promised to take Lucas to see the New York Knicks play in Manhattan and Lulu, with help from Nikolas of course, had secured two courtside seats. Lucas was practically jumping out of his skin, trying to contain his excitement.

"Daddy? Are you awake?" he whispered.

Johnny's arm hung off the edge of the bed and he snored quite audibly. Lucas handed the coffee to his mother and climbed on top of the bed. Lulu and Lucas moved into the Zacchara mansion in Crimson Pointe two weeks after Johnny had shown up in Los Angeles. Lucas didn't seem the least bit upset about moving to Port Charles. He was now closer to Cameron, Jake, Spencer, Michael and Morgan and of course, he had the father that he had wished for. Lulu walked around to the side of the bed and studied Johnny's face. She saw a glimmer of a smile and she knew immediately that he was faking sleep. She bit her bottom lip to cover up a smile. Lucas treaded carefully on top of the bed but Johnny was quick.

"Gotcha!" Johnny laughed, grabbing Lucas.

Lucas screamed and then began giggling uncontrollably as Johnny began tickling him. Lulu laughed and sat down beside the two of them once Johnny had let up on his tickling. Johnny beamed at her as he slid his arm around his waist.

_This was his family_.

He never thought that he could have one of his own. Being in the business made him make some tough sacrifices and he always thought that he would never want to have a family because of the danger but being without the woman that he loved and his son was one sacrifice he was unwilling to make and he was glad that he fought for them every single day.

"Happy Fathers' Day!" Lucas squealed.

"Thanks, buddy… I hope you two didn't go overboard…" Johnny said, kissing the top of his son's brown hair and then looking to Lulu.

"Well… Lucas was so excited about fathers' day…" Lulu said, with a sheepish grin on her face.

"We made your favorites for breakfast!" Lucas chimed in.

"Really? And what's that?" Johnny asked, putting his arm around him.

"Belgian waffles with powdered sugar and strawberries…" Lucas said triumphantly and Johnny's stomach growled in response.

"I think we got it right, Lucas…" Lulu giggled.

"And then we're going to go play catch and then mommy got tickets to go see the Knicks play!" Lucas added.

"You two did go overboard with this…" Johnny laughed.

"Hey, Lucas… why don't you go and get your dad's gifts? Do you remember where I hid them?" she asked.

"Yup!" Lucas said, launching himself off the bed and running out of the room.

"I hope you've found another spot for hiding presents for Christmas and his birthday…" Johnny muttered.

"This house is so big… it won't be a problem to find another place to hide presents." Lulu laughed.

"So… do I get a fathers' day present from you too, or is it strictly G-rated gifts from Lucas?" he asked, pulling her closer.

He looked down at her and a flirtatious smile curved on her lips. She moved slowly but gracefully so that she sat astride him, never breaking their stare. He smiled as his hands slid from her shoulders down to her waist and pulled her closer, eliminating the space between their bodies. She leaned in and Johnny thought that she was going to kiss him but she quickly turned away so that her lips were right at his ear.

"You have a very full day with Lucas today… you're not going to have any energy for me tonight…" she whispered.

"I **always** have energy for this…" he muttered.

With that, he swiftly turned her over so that she was lying beneath him. He smirked at the surprised look on her face and she laughed softly. He felt one of her legs break free from underneath him and wrap around his waist and then it was her turn to smile at his surprise. He then bent over and kissed her slowly. His kisses never ceased to make her dizzy. His hands roamed upward and his kiss rapidly became more urgent.

"Wait… we can't do this right now…" she gasped, breaking away from him.

"What? Why?" he asked, out of breath and she laughed.

"You do recall that it is fathers' day? You have a five year old son that's probably about fifteen seconds from barging back in here…" she chuckled.

"Well, I can't help it when you're trying your hardest to seduce me…" he said, tracing the outline of her lips with his fingertips.

"If you think that was me trying my hardest, then you're no match for me when I **really** go for it…" she whispered.

"If you want me to let you go, you're going to have to stop tempting me…" he said.

"Not my fault that you don't have self-control." Lulu said.

They both laughed and he rolled off her. He cupped her face in his hands and brought her in to kiss him slowly again. Johnny looked up sharply as Lucas stampeded back into the bedroom. Most kids his age were completely grossed out by affection between their parents but Lucas loved to see the two of them kissing and hugging because it meant that his parents were finally together and happy.

_And that's all that he ever wanted._

"What do have there? Is that for me?" Johnny asked, inquiring about the large wrapped box in his tiny arms.

"Uh huh…" Lucas said. He handed the box to Johnny and then proceeded to climb on top of the bed. It was wrapped neatly in silver paper with a pristine white bow and Johnny raised an eyebrow.

"I helped him with the wrapping…" Lulu laughed.

"Open it!" Lucas said as he tugged his father's gray t-shirt anxiously.

"Alright!" Johnny said and he began ripping up Lulu's impeccable wrapping job.

He took off the lid of the box and inside was a smaller black box resting on top of what appeared to be a long envelope. Lucas lunged for the small box and shoved it in Johnny's face.

"This one first…" he said, smiling.

The box wasn't wrapped but was secured with another pearly white bow. Johnny untied the bow and opened the box and his jaw dropped. Two weeks before, Johnny took Lucas to the mall and Lucas had caught him staring at a beautiful platinum Rolex watch and right now he was holding the exact same watch that he had been gaping at.

"And he picked it out all by himself…" Lulu said, ruffling Lucas' hair.

"The kid's got good taste…" Johnny muttered, completely mesmerized by the watch.

"I think he likes it…" she said, wrapping her arm around Lucas.

"Like it? I love it…" he said, slipping it onto his wrist and admiring it.

Lucas reached over and took the envelope out of the box and held it for Johnny to take silently. Johnny could tell by the expression on his son's face that this envelope was the real gift. He opened the envelope carefully and inside was just one lone piece of paper. His brow furrowed and he took the paper out of its envelope and he noticed that it was a legal document.

"What's this?" Johnny asked.

"Just read it…" Lulu said, smiling.

He looked at Lulu, cautious, but his eyes went back to the sheet of paper. He could barely make it through the legal jargon but one phrase stuck out from all of the grey legal terms:

_Lucas Lorenzo Zacchara_

"Oh my god…" he whispered.

Lucas' last name had been changed from Spencer to Zacchara. For as long as he could remember, Johnny was never proud of the Zacchara name. His father had been all about having a son to pass down the Zacchara name and a part of him was hoping that the name would die along with him. However, the sense of pride that was gathering in his chest as he held that sheet of paper was overwhelming and a smile broke across his face.

"I—I wanted your last name too, daddy…" Lucas said in a soft voice.

Johnny grabbed him and held him tightly against his chest. He didn't deserve to have this kid for a son. He was the best son that anyone could ever ask for.

"You know what?" Johnny whispered.

"What, daddy?" Lucas asked.

"This is even better than the watch…" Johnny muttered and Lucas smiled.

* * *

Lulu stood on the terrace, watching the wind thread through the trees and the Johnny's mother's rosebushes. The sun was blazing overhead and the entire grounds were silent. Johnny and Lucas had left to go play catch in the park in Port Charles with Lucky, Nikolas and all of their kids. Lucky and Nikolas were making an attempt to include Johnny into the family by inviting them to tag along in their fathers' day festivities. Lulu had just gotten off the phone with her own father as he was far away touring the Caribbean with Tracy until July. Lulu sighed and for the first time in years, she felt at peace. She never thought that things could or would work out in the way that they did. She was with the man that she loved more than anything else in the entire world and their son. Happiness was just a word to her six months ago… now… it was a living and breathing emotion that filled her to her core.

"Mommy!"

Lulu snapped out of her musings and turned around and saw Lucas running towards her, with a huge smile on his face. She extended her arms out to him and he flung himself onto her. Johnny trailed behind him, carrying two mitts and a pristine white baseball, laughing.

"Did you have fun?" she asked.

"The best! We had a contest to see who could throw the farthest and I won!" Lucas squealed.

"You did? Fantastic!" she said, kissing the top of his forehead.

"Alright… why don't you go inside? Have you called your grandpa to wish him a happy fathers' day?" Johnny asked and Lucas shook his head.

"Ask one of the guards to help you call him… and then you can go and get ready to go into Manhattan… mommy and I need to talk… alone…" Johnny said, winking at Lucas.

Lucas seemed to be in on whatever Johnny was planning and giggled before trotting back into the house. Lulu raised her eyebrow at Johnny and folded her arms.

"What was that about?" she asked.

"I wanted to talk to you before we left for Manhattan…" he said. His voice was suddenly soft and serious and made Lulu pay attention.

"Of course… what is it?" she asked. He took her hands in his and sighed heavily.

"This day has been perfect… I couldn't ask for a better first father's day than being with you and Lucas… well, **almost** perfect…" he said softly.

"Almost?" she asked, raising her eyebrow.

"I thought that I had everything that I could ever want but…" he started.

"But what?" she laughed.

"But there's something missing… something that only you can give me…" he whispered.

"And what's that?" she asked.

Lulu had no idea what he was going on about. He bit his bottom lip, anxiously, but exhaled deeply, expelling any nerves that he was holding inside. She watched him slowly sink down into one knee and her hand began to tremble.

"Oh my god…" she whispered.

"Lulu… I want you forever… and you know that you and Lucas are the most important things to me in this entire world…" he started.

"Yes…" she managed to get out.

"When I thought that I'd lost you for good… I couldn't—I just went completely numb inside… I knew that if I just tried not to feel, I could get through the days one by one but I wasn't alive… you shook me out of that the moment that I saw you in Kelly's…" he said.

She knelt down to his level and held his face gently in her fingertips. His eyes were warm as he looked at her and she really felt like she was the most important person in the world to him. Her thumb gently ran across his bottom lip in their silence and his arms encircled around her waist and pulled her closer to him.

"I—I didn't want to admit it but I came back for you, Johnny… you were always that thing in the back of my mind, pulling me back home because home is wherever you and Lucas are…" she whispered.

"I guess that—that brings me back to what I wanted to ask you…" he said, smiling.

"Yes?" she asked, taking his hands in hers.

"Lulu… will you marry me?" he asked.

Her eyes were brimming with tears and she was smiling so wide that she thought that her face might crack. Was this really happening? Was she really this happy? A part of her wanted to wake up from this dream because it was just too good to be true.

"Yes… yes… oh my god! Yes!" she cried.

He threw his arms around her and held her close. Her heart was pounding against her chest and she held him just as tightly as he was holding her. He then pulled her into a passionate kiss. Yes was the most beautiful word ever invented to Johnny because it meant that he and Lulu were finally going to start their lives together.

"Did she say yes?"

Johnny broke away from Lulu's lips almost immediately. Neither of them had heard Lucas came back outside to the terrace and they both began to laugh.

"Yes, your mom said yes…" Johnny said.

"Did you give her the ring?" Lucas asked.

"Not yet…" Johnny said.

"Daddy! You're supposed to give her the ring first and then ask her!" Lucas whined and Lulu began laughing uproariously.

"Ok… ok… we have to do this right…" Johnny said, pulling out a small black box from his pocket.

He opened the ring box and Lulu gasped. It was gorgeous ring, simple but gorgeous. It was a three stone ring, two square diamonds flanked a larger circular diamond in the middle, set on a platinum silver band. He took it out of the box and slid it slowly onto Lulu's delicate finger.

"It belonged to my mother… I know that she would want you to wear it…" he said before kissing the top of her hand tenderly.

"It's beautiful… I love it…" Lulu said, admiring the ring.

"I love you…" he whispered.

"I love you too…" she whispered back, putting her hand on top of his.

"Now you're supposed to kiss!" Lucas laughed and Johnny raised an eyebrow.

"You heard him… kiss me…" Lulu said, smiling.

They both laughed but Johnny's hand came behind her ear and curled a piece of her loose blond hair around her ear and then his fingers made their way to underneath her chin. He pulled her in close, so close that he could feel her breath on his face. He kissed her lightly and softly, a very appropriate kiss for being in front of a five year old but it didn't matter because they didn't need to share a kiss with an overwhelming sense of passion in it. Now that they were finally together, they had all the time in the world to be with each other.

_Do you think about me now and then?  
Do you think about me now and then?  
Oh, now I'm coming home again  
Maybe we can start again…_

Kanye West – "Homecoming"

**THE END**


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